平凡

平凡，不好吗？

平凡的人，有着平凡的生活，平凡的快乐，平凡的爱，不受任何束搏的追求梦想。

无奈，平凡的人，总是不安于室，永无止境的追求遥远的不平凡，不惜任何代价，只为了逃脱平凡的宿命。

倾尽所有，实现了曾经遥不可及的梦想，却深深地感受到高不胜寒的滋味，曾经不屑一顾的事和物，却成了如今再也追不回的珍贵，才恍然大悟，曾经富丽堂皇的梦想，不过是一场黄粱之梦。

不平凡的人，

一生有如表面幸福的金丝雀，被困锁在不平凡的宿命里，

无声的成为命运的奴隶，哑然面对别人羡慕的眼光，心里却是在苦笑的嘲笑那些羡慕的目光，感叹自己无法逃脱命运的束搏。

人，就是有颗永不满足的心，总觉得别人的更好，却忽略了自己身边垂手可及的幸福，

有者及时觉悟，亡羊补牢，为时未晚，

有者等到恍然大悟时，却是回首已是百年身，后悔也是徒然。

珍惜所有，感谢上天所赐的平凡；

感谢自己能够拥有别人梦寐以求的不平凡。

To Mama and Papa

Time flies.

Without my awareness, after havent seen mommy and dad for just a few months, one fine day at home, suddenly i saw the sudden grow of dad's grey hair..

Then I realised im a grown up now, and of course, my parents are getting older and older.. Even though mom hardly show any sign of aging physically, but just like dad, she is too, getting older and older..

Somehow a sense of guilt raise up deep in my soul whenever im acting like a child, having mom and dad take care of my life and easing my burden on them and even having them fetch me here and there and sometimes drive me all way long to send me back to college.

They always worried about me and always figuring out a way to make my life easier, keep bugging me just to keep me safe, even though it might sounds absurd sometimes with the words u used when u are becoming anxious worrying my safety, and with the suggestion u came out with. But i know, no matter how unreasonable they might be, those are all another form of affection u have for me.

Thank you mama and papa.

I know crystal clear that im no longer a little girl that is obliged to demand help from the parents, without any sense of thankful, as if it is given for granted.

I know that im the one who suppose to be taking care of them and easing their burden.

But I know that im not doing that. Sometimes im stubborn and childish that i threw a tantrum on mom and dad, but they are always bearing with me. Sometimes when they are asking for my help im reluctant or just lazy to help them, but they will hardly say no to my demand. I always regretted after that and promise to myself that i will not do the same next time but it is often turn up to be failed.

I'm sorry for that im not being a good daughter.

I am actually aware that sometimes im behaving real bad when im running out of patience with the pace u walk, because u are aging and which i was unaware of it, the generation gap perhaps, which makes u not understand my words, with the way u suggested me to handle my stuff, with something u did. I know how bad my behaviours could be during the times, but i just cant control myself.

Once again i'm sorry for that.

Even though i didnt say it out, but i do really appreciate what u have done for me. U did everything u could and afford to do as a parent. There will not be the me now without u. And im happy that sometimes i could make u being proud of me.

I love you. <3

And by now im officially 19, im officially a grown up, and i will be a better daughter who u always deserve it..

My 19th Birthday Party

No idea how to start this

hmmm....

starts with.. i love my friends!!

thanks for the surprise birthday party

especially Ivan who planned the whole thing

i never thought that u actually remembered i told u that im gonna have a lonely birthday this year and so u planned this party

and also wai choon who bought the cake

its so touching..

and my friends yi hui, jia wen and saiful who took their time to come

thank you so much...

its so embarrassing that i thought its someone else's birthday and i sang along with u all.. LOL

until the cake was put in front of me then i realised it was all meant for me

u guys are so awesome!

thats what i said, having a few good friends is more than enough..

im never being greedy.. i don't demand any present or even a birthday cake

all i want is happiness and now i realised that the source of happiness is having loving family and real good friends by my side

at the age of 19, i finally got the answer to the doubt that has been bothering me for years

I always asked for happiness and always wonder how to gain it

and now i know

just appreciating everything i have now

if there's more to come in the future, so appreciate it more

if i ever being greedy and ask for something more when im actually being blissful now,

i will only end up being like a dog who constantly chasing its tail but will never get it

Appreciating the current happiness that i have, thats the key to stay happy always

Thank you so much to my high school buddies once again.. guess i will not get tired to saying thank you.. LOL

Its good to see you guys again and its good to have u guys in my life

Lets wish for the friendship to be forever in our life <3

*wanted to have the photos in this post but nine of them is with me.. =/*

Healing Incantation

Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the Fates' design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine

Right or Wrong

Often we said, you are wrong or you are right

But how do we know whether the others, or ourselves is really wrong or right?

is there a clear line exist between right and wrong?

is there a formula to define right or wrong?

we don't know, and who dares to say that he or she, knows that

What if someone did something wrong, either morally or legally wrong, but it is only done to avoid something worse happen or to protect their own right? Let say someone steals in order to ensure continuance of their life? Or someone take something that they deserves, or genuinely belongs to them unlawfully, is that labelled as stealing as well? Are they right or wrong?

What if someone did something right, but harms another or caused grave consequence to others? Let say, a mother beat the child, but it is only for the child's own good, and sometimes, even the mother hurts more when she beats her child? Is the mother right or wrong?

Well, the law will never be right in defining right and wrong, because the causation, the reason behind a wrong act are never the same, whilst the law is just is static..

Sometimes I wonder, no, I always wonder, when someone claims that he did nothing wrong, refusing to admit that he is actually wrong and comes out with every creative excuses to support his claim, can we trust him? Is he really never do something wrong? Well, a man, often or rather to say seldom will admit that he did something wrong, or even he admit it, often he will then comes out with all those reasons to support what he did, just to prove that what he did is bout of good will, and it is never done with malice, however, nowadays, with all those people who always carrying their masks, I personally, really don't know how to trust someone, I really don't know how to differentiate what is right and what is wrong, and I too, don't know how to chose someone to be trusted by myself..

Sometimes, I'm even tired of my family, yeah! so pathetic.. When everyone has their own opinion, everyone refused to accept the others opinion, and no one wants to compromise, even if they sounds like they did compromise, but actually deep in their heart, they only feels that they are still the right one and they only 'compromise' because they are the matured ones.. Ughh, the chaos is just so unbearable.. I wished to just mute all those noise, and shut the world off...

Sometimes, I'm really tired of myself, tired of bracing myself to world, even my family, I'm really tired in having to analysing every word said by the others, and I'm really tired of the fake people around me..

Somehow I wished to just show the true face to the world, to trust everything the others told me and just trust everyone around me, but seems like I've tried, and because of this idiocy, I was hurt, mentally hurt so badly, and thus I now, finds its really hard to do the same even though deep in my soul, I wished to do so, so badly...

My wish at the end of this year

I wish, I can have a long enough holiday, then I can go to a foreign city, where I can brring my favourite novel with my lappy, sitting at the coffee shop beside the road, sipping my hot coffee, reading my novel, using my lappy, and looking at the hussle and bustle of the city out there..

I wish, I can have a long enough holiday, then I can go to a foreign country, with a lot of mystery I wanted to check it out do badly, with my loved one, just two or three of us, expore the mystery of the country...

I wish, if I cannot have a long enough holiday as I wished, then I will have to stay in this city with the works and studies, I wish to have a loved one, who I can call when I'm tired, when I'm stressed up, when I'm pissed off, and there's my loved one be there for me, offering me a sort of comfort...

I wish, I can have the kind of simple happiness, and be a simple blissful girl, just like those around me...

No matter what happens, I wish, I can be just as happy as I am, because I have every reason to stay happy...

Sometimes, somehow, for some reason, i always thought people is being cold to me, i think the world is harsh,

until today i realised, its wrong, awfully wrong,

it might be me, it might be my problem

it might be me the one who is being cold first

it might be me who failed to trust people around me

it might be me who failed to treat everyone around me with my true heart

somehow, i dont know why, i just can't trust some people around me, i always wonder if they are telling the truth, i always thought that people is wearing a mask

and that is why, i'm always holding back, i'm always cold as some people would describe me

but now, someone give a pang on my head

i realised, its time to be true, its time to trust some people, when it appears right to to so, and its time to tell the truth...

its time, to stop holding back

its time, to put down the stone in my heart

Sometimes, when i'm alone in the room

no friends no family around me

and the loneliness strikes

the feeling of being abandoned

the feeling of unwanted

it sucks to the most

it makes me feels like.. a piece of crap

and i hate it to the most

maybe sometimes, when you always value something rationally

you end up getting nothing

perhaps sometimes, a person will be happier when being irrational..

2010 In A Nutshell

Okay, here comes the time to sum this year up~

Its kinda.. a happening year for me

I studied in the most remote and isolated area, in the middle of the jungle

and I too studied in the middle of the most happening city in Malaysia, and still here and will be here for at least another 4 years

And I went to 3 countries in this year, soon turning 4 countries!

And me myself, once was in the darkest moment of my life (at least for this 18 years) and now here, changed into another person

Been through a lot of things in this year, I realised many things

I realised how important family is, and how blissful I am to have my family with me

I realised that sometimes I just can't be the stubborn bull as I was

I realised that I have to compromise and give up something important for me for the sake of another thing, more important

I realised that sometimes I just have to stop thinking, since thinking won't help much but only makes me stay in the mist of darkness

I realised that when I figured out something and be very sure that I wanna get it, I shouldn't hesitate for another minute, and just go for it

I realised that sometimes I just have to let the God of destiny to decide for me, when things are so unclear

I realised that I cannot take everything for granted, as nobody is bound to treat me nicely, so I have appreciate everyone of them

I realised that if something bad happened, I have to take it as another lesson of life, so that I wouldn't be so frustrated for it

I realised that sometimes praying is helpful to keep my mind calm and peace

And I realised that life is so short, so I can't just cling on the principle of mine all the time, but I have to try something new

And I realised that maybe death isn't that scary, as long as I enjoyed my life, it's enough, and I'm lucky enough...

Discrimination

Its all about discrimination nowadays

The first, hottest topic is about gender discrimination

The Iking Case, bringing out the topic of how s498 Penal Code discriminate women, specifically wifes. Penal Code is a kinda 'old' law in this land, originating from England and India, i can reasonably understand why it consist of such an absurd section. Somehow, old people, whether Western or non-Western people, set the concept of men above women, no matter what women do, they will never and cannot have their position elevated. Take England as an example, the King Henry VIII only knows to blame his queens for not conceiving a son, he totally neglected, or never considered the idea that his daughter can also be a queen, a great ruler of the land, just like Queen Elizabeth I. Instead, he keep on finding reasons and excuses to get rid of his queens and married a younger queen, just to get a son or fulfill his lust, had he ever think that, it might be his problem, for unable to get a son?

Lets look at the non-western countries, the first female king of China, and the only official one, Wu Zhe Tian, she is one of the respected women of mine. But people only accused her for killing her son and husband to be the King, to get the utmost power, but lets look at this from another angle, she was a great ruler, she ruled the country so well that makes the era one of the brightest Dynasty of China. Well, I have to say, to get power, they must do something against the morality. I doubt if any successful politician who never done anything against his own principle or the morality ever existed. What about the male Kings, many of them, not to say was a failure king for failing to safeguard his country but they even used his people's hard-earned money for their own enjoyment and satisfaction. But apparently, most people seems to neglected them, not accusing them but putting harsh accusations on the female king, for using tactics to get power. Not to be a male discriminate here, just stressing the point here, that why can't people just view things equally regardless whether that is a man or women.

And the funny thing here is that, our country has bring this absurd, totally outdated concept here, intending that would do any good to our people, to safeguard the harmony of our society. The society is not static, the society keep changing, people's mindset keep on changing with time, but what about of law, not to say its failure to keep on track with the social change, but now, there are people defending the existence of such absurd law. I doubt if Malaysia can truly reach the very ambitious Vision 2020 with this kind of people, so many of them present in the government board, and having great power.

First Love is always the best..

I miss my first boyfriend

I miss it when he used to call me just to play me my favourite Canon in D

I miss it when he used to text me just to tell me that he miss me

I miss it when we used to be so sweet

I miss it when he used to care about he way he treated me, afraid that he might not doing the best for me

And i hate myself for dumping him

I was so bad, so bad that I don't even turn and look back when he begged me

I hate myself till now for doing that

Maybe because of that, so I don't deserve a decent guy since then?

再烦：也别忘记微笑

再急：也要注意语气

再苦：也别忘坚持

再累：也要爱自己

低调做人;你会一次比一次稳健

高调做事;你会一次比一次优秀

成功的时候不要忘记过去

失败的时候不要忘记还有未来

有望得到的要努力;无望得到的不介意

无论输赢都要高姿态

New Family Member!

My sister's boyfriend proposed to her!

It is now officially, gonna be a new family added into my family!

No matter how he is for the rest of us, as long as he treat my dearest sister nicely, and always loves her, I will be more than willing to have this new family member being officially one of us

So now what?

Dear sister and sister's boyfriend,

Here I am, with all my heart, hope that two of u, will always be happy, with the eternal love...

I always know that I am neither a good nor a kind person

I always know that...

Because I am not the kind of people, who are willing to put everyone ahead of myself

I am not the kind of people, who are willing to sacrifice myself for the others

I was for once

But then I was betrayed

They will not appreciate, they will not realised that you had done something for them and they took everything for granted

And end up, I was the fool, who did silly things which I thought they will appreciate but it end up exactly the opposite

So since then, I decided not to be the fool anymore

But now, I've met some good people, who are really kind

And for once, I think again, I should change?

Is it I shouldn't be so bad that sometimes I hate myself?

But can I survive in this dirty and filthy world, where we are surrounded by a lot of...complicated people?

I think I will never get an answer, There will not be a correct answer...

I have every reason to be happy

So dear God, please...

I'm praying and begging with all my heart,

let me stay happy...

Okay...

Here's the holiday plan...

Im gonna shop like a shopaholic

Im gonna learn to play a few new songs

Im gonna dance as much as I wish (who cares about the sprain)

Im gonna sleep whenever I want to

Im gonna read those long-wanted novels

Im gonna play as much as I wish

Im gonna let my mind wander as I always wanted to

Im gonna let go of myself!!!

There were times I wanted to give up

I wanted to just runaway

I wanted to just forget about everything

I wanted to hide myself from the word, from the stress

But then I keep holding on

And here I am

I never give up and that's why, here I am

I don't know if its good or bad

I don't know if i really want this

But because I worked so hard in pursuance of it

So I shall not give up now

I shall not runaway from problem

I shall face them with bravery with all the courage I have

It is not the end of the world yet...

NEVER GIVE UP!

The Tudors

My favourite drama of the year!

The first drama that makes me feel hoe pathetic a life of the royal family can be

With the sophisticated acting skill of the actors

Deep inside my heart i can feel their sorrow...

I can feel the how much greed of human can drive them to do crazy things

Even when the kings finally dies,

showing how much he regretted for the things he had done just to fulfill his lust

showing how pathetic he is for not having his family by his side when he is dying

showing, how pathetic he is for having family members who don't love him

but only scare and hatred

And I'm very lucky

not to say I don't have anything perfect

but at least

I'm blissful

I feel blissful

And now no more in love

Life is always unpredictable!

I think... I'm in love... pretty much...

Now I've figure it out

the only way of get out of the disappointment...

is so simple!

Just get a new target!

Why spend time on unworthy thought

while I can still...

manage to get something else!

Okay,

Its the end of the story

End the fantasy

End the excitement

End the blissful feeling

But

Hopefully the friendship is not ending...

I know i'm silly

I know i'm such a fool

for thinking about things

that i know i shouldn't be thinking about now

that i know it wouldn't be worth thinking

that i know it is almost impossible

that i know, it will only makes me feel even worse if im thinking about it

that i know, there's something else i should be paying attention

something else worth my attention

but what to do

i just can't control my stubborn brain...

i wish i can retract what i've said

i wish i have a time machine to bring me back so that i can make it up for myself

i wish i can just forget about it

i wish it just never happened

but perhaps, i should just accept it

as one of the experience in life?

Do not say you are in pain when you still can shout out loud

Because there's a pain, which you can't even shout...

Do not say you are sad when you can still cry

Because there's a sadness, which makes you can't even cry...

<3

If this is true,

I shall be grateful and blissful

because i can still shout for the pain

i can still cry when i'm sad

there's nothing so bad happened

everything will be fine soon

the god, will not guide us to a dead end

do not give up

even when there seems to be the end

because if we stay for a little longer

there will be a change towards the positive

and we shall thrive then

because it will only be the end or the worst,

only if we made it to be like that..

So always be grateful, no matter how bad things can be

because, it is not the worst...

I miss the time when there are people treating me so nicely,

But most of them leave me one by one

Am i not appreciating their presence?

Am i not treating them good enough as how they treated me?

Am i expecting too high?

Maybe its time to stop thinking...

The announcement recording in the exam hall is in British accent!

and i'm so enjoying it!

Maybe that is how you can relax in the exam hall

pay concentration to other things before you start

when there's the time to start answering

then ignore whatever happens around you

this is so funny, to be my comment for my very first exam in uni!

I'm done waiting

I'm really done

why on earth i'm the one who is waiting now

this is just nonsense

maybe sometimes i just can't follow my heart

but to follow my brain!

I hate it when people don't reply my message..

it makes me feel rejected...

some people said because im too sensitive

some said im having high pride

some said im just simply feeling insecure with people around me

whatever it is

its been years and still i can't get rid of this feeling..

Is it too much shopping during the holiday

I feel the pain in my ankle again

It doesn't feel right

But I still have to walk all way down to exam hall

God bless me and my poor ankle...

someone: do you write your blog everyday?

me: no, i only write when im not in good mood or emo-ing

someone: i suppose u write everyday then

me:............

Well, sometimes, having a shoulder for you to cry on,

having a hand to hold yours,

having someone who stay beside you during hard times,

it is just a simple happiness

now i agree with you, my friend.

you are right,

i should find one like you did..

What does it means when someone call you once in awhile to ask you how are you

What does it means when someone call you sometimes and pretend like he dialed the wrong number, just to speak to you and listen to your voice

What does it means when someone text you once in awhile just to see how are you doing

it is nice, when you know that someone is there for you, someone is always there when you feel lonely

do appreciate those people <3

Those who i want do not show passion..

Those who i don't want are showing their extreme passion..

What is this... =.=''

Household problem.. sigh...

What happens when your family member changes

What happens when an intruder of your family come in

What happens when you have to accept a new member into your family

Can you accept the new member without all your heart

Can you accept the new member including his flaws and goods just like how you accept your true family member

Take it as you don't have a choice but to accept

Make changes in your life

Because life is never static

When its time to change, you have to compromise

yes, i have to compromise

i have to accept new changes, open to all possibilities

i shall not cling to the old ones

i can do it...

When you grow up, your world gets more and more complicated..

And you yourselves get more and more complicated

I wish i am a small girl back then

I wish i can say i hate u, i don't like you, i like you, i love you, just like what a kid can do

but i can't, because i'm no longer a kid

because people around me will not do that anymore

people keep their words in their heart

or say it in another way round

and so there's one word i learned when i gradually grow up..

"backstabbing"

and i think that's the vocabulary i hate the most, and yet happens a lot

i wish i am a small girl back then,

but is my childhood happy?

mama said i wasn't pretty much a happy kid

the moment i was born, the first minute i came to this world,

i cried, the way like i'm unsatisfied with everything

like i'm not happy to come to this world

but i guess with the love my family give me all the time, i changed

i'm happy most of the time

mommy is still always worried for me

because she thinks that i've always view things negatively,

so i forced myself to only think the bright side of everything

i forced myself not to think about bad things

i forced myself to do thing despite i feel that im deceiving myself

but so what

they make me do this for my own good

so im doing it for my own good

so growing up, im much more than a happy girl

i dont wanna go back because my life back then is not a happy life

i endured my primary school life with tears all the time

until the turning point of my life come when i moved, when i leave the evil place with evil kids

and i dont wanna go back because i'm not happy with the year before

and i dont wanna go back because my life now is more satisfying

so for all these reasons, i dont wanna go back

i will stay here and bear with this complicated world, with my self becoming more and more complicated

and deal with tis complicated world

with the changes i've made in order to survive

life will be the way like how you view it, how u wanna shape it, how u want it to be

so, i will shape my life, i will get what i want, i will make myself satisfied

to prove that i'm not the unhappy, unsatisfied baby like i was

with anything cost it, i will get them no matter how

because this is how we survive in this real world

an angel will not be able to survive here

but the mixture of angel and demon will.

close my eyes,

listen to the songs,

their background music,

their melody,

feel it by my heart,

that's so awesome...

thats the power of music.. <3

I don't know why, but you lied to me

and it hurts

i don't mind listening to cruel truth

so don't lie to me

thank you for your kindness

I don't know why on earth there is a people like that
Why keep bugging me
Why being so rude
Why do you sounds nice sometimes, somehow
And at the next minute, you are rude again
is that your nature for being a weirdo
i hate you
i wanna slap u on the face sometimes
but sometimes i feel sorry for you
you sounds lonely, you sounds lost, you sounds like you don't have friend with you
so i stayed with you, because i take you as my friend
but you can't just give vent to your anger like that, to me
I sincerely, from deep inside of my heart hope that you will grow up one day,
you will know how to control your emotion
you will know how to appreciate your friend
so that your life will not be so lonely
perhaps one day you don't need me as a comfort ( which i felt that way )
but if its because you have found your true soul mate in your life,
I will be very glad
because, your are my friend...
but now, at the minute i feel like slapping you for being so rude, so harsh
at the next minute, you apologise
you are so very the troublesome ><

This is a touching one

Nothing special, nothing exaggerating, just simply an old man missing his deceased wife, and yet it is so heart breaking.. <3

Plus the nice song..

Oh my friend, why send this to me, u are making me cry! =/

OMG,
I lied but i don't feel THAT bad..
i hate myself =/

A times I turn around and look back,
then i started to think
why am i here
what am i doing here
is this really what i want
do i really want this
why am i working so hard to get all those i have now
is this the life that i want
do i want a normal but happy life
or i wanna do something special
am i really happy
am i satisfied with my life already
what am i gonna be
.......
.........
...........
all these are the toughest question, and till now, i can't get the answer, the true answer.

Jane Lament

Follow the sun, my beloved one
Follow the sun, your flight has begun,

Follow the sun, my beloved one
Follow the sun, your flight has begun

One day we will sleep together again,

But till then,

Farewell,
Farewell,

Sweet Angel.

Maybe its time to grow up,
Maybe its time to think about it,
Maybe its time for me not to run away from that
Maybe its time for me to focus
Yes,
its time,
Believe it or not
This is life
Life is not hard but challenging
Life is not tough but making u tough
I shouldn't stay being a kid's mind, therefore
ok, now i'm crapping again,
thats the thing when u are constantly alone, and being forced to study =/

I will learn to stand on my own feet now,
I promise I will
Since you are leaving me
I will learn to grow up and live without you
Without the shadow of yours always by my side
=)

I've decided to be a kind girl
a very very kind girl
because i met one
and she touched my heart
deep inside
omg... my mood swing

If falling in love eventually means getting hurt sooner or later, why should we fall in love.
Why not let the first love also be the last and forever love.
Why let the greed and unsatisfying heart conquer love.
Why hold people back
Why make it so complicated
Why not taking it sincerely with all your humble heart
Why can't it stop being hurting
Why can't it stop giving us illusions and day dreams
Why...
Its deemed to be like that, then i shall not fall in love anymore
Love should be a shield not a sword (gosh the effect of studying contract)

The world is such a mess with all the wars, dirty politics, human greed.
And now the earth started to voice herself out
and see what
millions of human killed by the natural
and millions of human killed by human themselves
What makes us to end up in this kind of situation
We don't know?
We know, just that no one wants to admit it
No one wants to admit their own fault
I shall not be human again for next life
I shall not even live in this world again for next life

I am really enjoying university life..
I get to contact with agents of the artists,
I get to chit chat with lawyers,
I get to go to real balls and parties,
I get to wear casual to class,
I get to experience everything which I've never did,
and probably never if I did not happened to get into this university..
So, I am really enjoying it,
though sometimes its really hard that I almost give up my life.
But, things proven,
you tried,
you struggled,
you committed yourselves,
and you get what you deserves(which I hope to happen to me more frequently).

I am glad to have you by my side. thank you..

10 10 10 just as normal as it could be

It's 101010,
anything different is going to happen?
anything is going to make my life a little different?
Are you in love with me? Are you hating me?
Are you happy with me? Are you liking me?
Do you want to be my friend?
Do you want to join my family?
Are you gonna tell me the truth?
Are you always faking in front of me?
So do tell, my friend.

I have been thinking a lot recently. Is there any way out for this situation. Is there anyway to make me feel better, to make me feel that life away from home can still be a normal life.. If there is someone here who cares me and whom i can tell anything, whom i can call whenever i feel the need, will it be fine? Maybe I'm just as stubborn as a bull, won't change. Even though me myself hate this pretty much.

We are living in such a situation..
In merely one week,flood in China, Earthquake in Australia, forest fire in Russia.
Nature is unhappy with human, and yet human is unhappy with human among ourselves.
Palestine v Israel and Israel v Turkey and US v Iran etc etc...
Whats wrong with human.. We ourselves who bring us in this kind of situation..

Things started up hard in uni life... I am among the lucky ones who get the most distant college from my faculty and yet old one..But then i managed to transfer to the nearest college with hard work..And then after tranferred to the nearest college i have no friend.. But then i got some friends in here.. Although some (only one) don't quite seems to be kind to me. But i believe things will got better as time goes on. And hopefully.... Deep inside my heart I truly tanks those who helped me and my family who is always by my side.. =)

I believe everything happens for a reason. Eventhough something may looks bad for me now but I still believe it doesn't just happen. Maybe I will see the good side of it soon. If it still be bad to me then its just one of the obstacle that I will meet in my life, to make me stronger. So I am gonna stay positive, be strong. I am going to success and reach for the star. I am determined to do it and nothing will blow the passion away.

Next sunday is going to be the first page of my new personal diary, the second stage of my life, well, third stage to be more accurate. I am gonna relight my flame deep inside me annd fly towards the bright future of my life!

dadddy and mummy, u made a wrong decision. u should change the new tv after FIFA World Cup. Because now your beloved daugther cant watch the new tv but someone who has no right to watch it posses it to watch the god damned stupid world cup. U guys had just bought the new tv for the anonymous and your poor daughter can't even complain about it because he is so called a guest in our house so I should swallow all my complaints! dammit! dammit! dammit! I wanna kick him out of my house! this is my house, that is my parents tv and u are violating my rights! Maybe I am being unreasonable but I have only 2 weeks left at home before I go uni! I cant even enjoy the last 2 weeks with the brand new tv and yet i have to suffer all those damned shouts and yells downstairs!

I am going to look for a decent-and-non-malaysian-and-better-than-malaysia-guy and then get married and migrate! after I graduated.

Getting in Malaysian Matriculation means you are gonna stuck in local uni and god knows how freaking hard it will be to get out of here after you graduated! Just feel that western country's culture is just simply goes better with me. Say me is a Chinese who gooing after western culture blindly! but still I am so proud to be a Chinese! I know chinese culture i speak chinese fluently and i am a chinese! Chinese blood flows in my vein! So u people dont have the right to describe me that way! I am just simply doesnt like them! U people call me a stupid racist! Yeah i am! and proud to be!

I am scared, I am afraid of him now. Seriously, don't simple get too close with a person you barely know him, even if you already knew him for years. And never send some wrong messages which can make them misunderstand. Because the consequences can be.. ugh.. why am I scaring myself here...
GOD BLESS ME...

I am goin to start all over again if I didn't get my first choice? Or I should accpet second or third or so on choices as well? If I reject the other choices other than the first choice, can I afford to start all over again?

It's really really really good if I get my first choice for degree. But if, IF I doesn't, what should I do? Where should I go?

The choices towards my bright future is driving me crazy...

I want to let the god to decide for me but actually it is almost impossible because the card is in my hand and I am the only one who can decide how to use it.

Once i had a friend who can chat with me for the whole day and we have many things in common and the same point of view.
But somehow there is a wall between us which is unbreakable and I can't go through that wall.
But still I enjoy our chatting and still miss it now.
But now we become the most common friend ever. No more chatting. Which reminds me that human is very weird. we can change in just a second time. Just like what i did. And ruin a few wonderful things.
Hope i can undertstand myself more. What I really want...

why when I force myself to smile but tears rolling down on my cheek?

Smile idoit!

I am going to sleep earlier tonight. And it will be the end of everything. Lets end this unreal dream.Its enough...

I hope it will be a ramp towards a good start... =)

Should I tell? Will I regret for not telling? What should I do...

I am being realistic in such a very stupid way

And maybe bring myself trouble

I don't like this kind of relationship

U often have this kind of crush idiot.

So don't be serious

Don't be so stupid

It will over very soon

pieces of my heart are missing you...

and i don't like it

because it is impossible.

迟早会出事。。。

Can anyone teach me dont be so materialistic and learn to love people with my heart?

I don't like myself being like this..

I am cold-blooded..

我是冷血的。。。

因为我不会爱人。。。

Had a bad dream last night..
I was married to a senior of mine..
But the problem is that i will never had feelings to him!
It was so ridiculous and impossible!
And me myself felt so embarrasing to face him after that dream..
LOL..

what still matters if the world is coming to an end? study? love?

yes!
family will always by my side. my beloved papa and mama.. my beloved sisters..
they are all i have after all..

law and me

Met a senior in facebook today.. He is taking law too.. And he gave me the spirit of a lawyer-to-be should have.. Is someone who wants to take law must desire and very confident to be the best? But he gave me such spirit. And he even asked me to start study and get prepared go uni. OMG.. i feel so guilty for having the thought not to touch any bok for this holiday.. But i don't even sure if i truly want to do law.. How am i gonna study...

lack of something

my life is lack of something.. I need love.. loneliness overwhelm my life..

the end of the world

i have changed. I learned to appreciate things and I..em.. learned to use some communication skills. Living in this world, without communication skills i don't know how to survive. Everyone is so fake! Maybe not everyone but i just saw that even the closest people of mine is, well, maybe i can say its a little faking. People call that fake or a skill. But i see that ugly. But everyone needs and will do it. This world is so ugly and that's why the world will comes to an end and human will soon extinct!

changed

i finally can make a difference in this family.. I gt band 5 for MUET.. Maybe it means nothing muh for some peoplebut it do matters a lot for me.. It pulls me nearere to the path towards law and it change the perspective of my family to me.. Sister is not the only one who made you guys feel pround.. But me too. I work so hard to prove it to u al.. So u all can stop ignoring my hardworks starting from this moment because i just made a difference which u guys falied to do it!

2009-2010

2009, is a hard year. A year that i learnt a lot.. I can't say that it is the hardest year in my life but i did learnt a lot and changed. I had my happiest moment in this year and the saddest. I get the worst news which totally changed my life and my point of view with no emphathy. Once i felt like my life and pointless and meaningless because i did everything in vain. But then, i'm damn so lucky for having a great family. They helped me through the though times and guide me to the light from darkness.
I changed. I learnt that luck is damn so important and we don't get to control our own fate, my own life. But I still believe that hard times will soon go away and the good one will come to me. As long as i never give up, there's still a hope for me.
Because, my life shouldn't be so miserable at all.. Not at all!
So, greet the new year and send the old one away. Greet the lucks and send the nad ones away.
Goodbye 2009, Welcome 2010!