When you grow up, your world gets more and more complicated..

And you yourselves get more and more complicated

I wish i am a small girl back then

I wish i can say i hate u, i don't like you, i like you, i love you, just like what a kid can do

but i can't, because i'm no longer a kid

because people around me will not do that anymore

people keep their words in their heart

or say it in another way round

and so there's one word i learned when i gradually grow up..

"backstabbing"

and i think that's the vocabulary i hate the most, and yet happens a lot

i wish i am a small girl back then,

but is my childhood happy?

mama said i wasn't pretty much a happy kid

the moment i was born, the first minute i came to this world,

i cried, the way like i'm unsatisfied with everything

like i'm not happy to come to this world

but i guess with the love my family give me all the time, i changed

i'm happy most of the time

mommy is still always worried for me

because she thinks that i've always view things negatively,

so i forced myself to only think the bright side of everything

i forced myself not to think about bad things

i forced myself to do thing despite i feel that im deceiving myself

but so what

they make me do this for my own good

so im doing it for my own good

so growing up, im much more than a happy girl

i dont wanna go back because my life back then is not a happy life

i endured my primary school life with tears all the time

until the turning point of my life come when i moved, when i leave the evil place with evil kids

and i dont wanna go back because i'm not happy with the year before

and i dont wanna go back because my life now is more satisfying

so for all these reasons, i dont wanna go back

i will stay here and bear with this complicated world, with my self becoming more and more complicated

and deal with tis complicated world

with the changes i've made in order to survive

life will be the way like how you view it, how u wanna shape it, how u want it to be

so, i will shape my life, i will get what i want, i will make myself satisfied

to prove that i'm not the unhappy, unsatisfied baby like i was

with anything cost it, i will get them no matter how

because this is how we survive in this real world

an angel will not be able to survive here

but the mixture of angel and demon will.