memory lane named canon-in-d

When things turn dirty, and human turn ugly in real life
I opted to indulge myself in songs,
and our song, canon in d, is always the best remedy
And now im listening to it
And I cant help but think about you, the moment when you used to play the song for me to cheer me up, and now i am wondering how are you doing
you must be doing good, as much as you deserve it
My life is just awesome, as i have always wished it to be during the dark years which i have endured through without you by my side
But you know, sometimes, there's always hard times in life no matter how good it could be at most of the times
I hope things are going fine with u
For what i have done, i know i am letting go of u, forever
But i still hope that you are fine
Life must go on, and we must move on
The feelings of the days are now gone, blessings that i gave to u are eternal

The Art of Perseverance

Someone said people with tough mind can withhold their own stand though surrounded by world of complication and diversity

I always wonder how, 

Do i really have to shut my ears and eyes to things which may change my thought

Or do i have to shut my mind from foreign stuff entering?

I have always tried to be those 'tough-minded' people

For times i have tried not to think something that i think it shoudnt stay in my mind

For years i have tried to be someone who is not easily swayed

But maybe that's just who i am

I thought life shall be dull if i do so

Why on earth should we shut our life from the tempting world and stick to the boring own-self

No point

I salute to those 'tough-minded' people

But i just cant do it.

人的情感竟如此脆弱
原先觉得放不下，以为从此他就被刻在我心里，留下的烙印再也抹不去
原来，也不过是空谈
午夜梦回，他的影子不在出现
刻骨铭心的爱
予我不过是一个毫无意义的名词
在我心中泛起的涟漪，一瞬间即消失，就像从未存在过一样
或许
生命中的永不可忘还未出现
我的心房，也还未真正为谁打开
漫长的人生里，还有许多是更值得我的心思
何必为了他们而停下脚步
若是将来受了伤，也不过是自作自受，没有怜惜
既然再想，只徒增伤感
难道，要如此为赋新词强说愁吗？
人生，是用来活的，不是用来受的
何不珍惜当下
忘了失去的，记住拥有的

人生总在寻寻觅觅
在凡尘中迷失自我
永不知足的心
在世俗中寻觅着所谓的幸福
永无止境的追寻着那遥不可及
明珠在侧却视而不见
梦醒，孜然一身
忽觉一切皆过眼云烟
昔日总总成空欢
梦回中     望相依
日日盼君之
奈何情深缘浅
何苦执着
何苦强求

等待

不知道为什么，很突然，很突然地，对他有了特殊的感觉。。就在那一天，我莫名的希望那绯闻能成真。。

事情来得突然，那一瞬间，似乎真的，想做梦一样，我们好像真的能有缘走在一起。。可是，下一瞬间，梦醒了，我回到了现实吗？我变成了等待的那个人吗？不，不，我不想。。

就一瞬间，本来每天维持的联络断了，感觉就像风筝断了线，飞走了，找不回来了。。我很伤心，也不明白你的心。。听说，你有个大学单身主义。。我的心很难受。。眼泪似乎要落了下来。。我不想错过这一段缘分。。难道，你不觉得可惜吗？

可是，我不要傻傻的等待，我不要这样作践自己。。所以，我决定说服自己的心，我在笔记本上写了，‘不要自作多情，不要看他，不要沉醉在幻想里了’来一直提醒自己。。是的，我决定不再等了，不再看了。。


为什么要搅乱我原本如止水的心。。我受不了你的影子落在我的眼帘，受不了坐在的旁边的感觉，受不了听见你的名字，因为，它们会轻如易举的让我把你忘了的计划前功尽弃。。

梦，如此地短，短的我甚至以为它从未出现过。。

难道，就只能等待吗？等待我把你忘了吗？等待我成功背叛自己的心吗？

我只能说，我讨厌你。

Crush and Crash

One crush over another, and now I'm crashed.

I dont even know if im feeling the right thing

Everything seems just fake and imaginary

Is the time not here yet or is the way life is?

Brand new life, old draggy lessons

After been MIA from the blog for awhile, really dont feel like starting it with another emo post, but i dont feel like writing until the emo-ness is still haunting me after hours of phone talk and songs repeating... So, lets begin with emo-ness...

It has been 5 weeks after starting the new semester, besides seeing the fresh juniors in the uni, and missing some old faces we used to see in the faculty, still, the lessons that you get to learn everyday in law school wont stop teaching you... Things get very very very draggy and I felt like shouting sometimes, but i didnt, because the result would be.. i dont know.. people thought im mad? or people thought im just stressing myself out, which might be true..

The first lesson: do not tell people everything you think, because when everything that you know or about you is exposed to the people, either it would become a 'secret' that everyone knows, or it would become a bad rumour spreading around, which is definitely do no good for you. Not worth a try. 

Second lesson: always control and control and control your emotions, even in front of your friends. Because friends are never like family who will always forgive and forget. Opps.. maybe not, sometimes even family cant forgive and forget, not to mention friends. You definitely dont wanna pissed your friends out, because at the end of the day, they are the ones that you are going to rely on. No one can survive by being alone in law school.

Third lesson: always think twice and maybe more before you say something, especially in front of your seniors or lecturers. Because law students are taught to interpret words, and you will never know how the meaning is going to be twisted and turned into an ugly way after those 'interpretations'. So, do take into account of that, and make your words as precise and clear and you can, just like the way statutes are preferred to be written in.

Fourth lesson: Kick away the count-how-much-you-might-lose characteristic. This is not specifically for law school, but for all kind of situations. When you think people will give in and dont expect anything in return, do make it expectation applicable to yourselves. Being counting too much, you will stress yourselves out and gone mad when you realised how much you have lost when you do this and that.

Fifth lesson: Have someone whom you can talk to, and trust. Otherwise you will end up becoming a illustrative psyhco who talks to yourselves and expect a voice from no where will de-strss you.

Feel better after listing these lessons out, because when i lose something, and at the mean time i got a harsh lesson for life. =)

Year 2 in Law School

Towards the end of the second week of the brand new semester, had the sudden urge to type out my feelings towards these few days.

The first day back to uni, depressed and feeling lonely in the room alone.. But excited in my new room, more spacious, newer, and... more privacy.

The first 3 days were the orientation week that i experienced as an Orientation Committee aka JKO. Besides the memory flash back of my first year from the freshies, i enjoyed it a lot.. like.. really a lot. Though tiring, but no regrets. Feeling weird to have a bunch of juniors all the sudden, and really.. time flies. It's like just yesterday that i was still a freshie in black and white attire and shivering legs facing the never-know-how-to-smile JKOs.

And then.. the happening week happens with 3 days of super duper busy days with my sister's wedding. Not to mention about the trouble-making relatives which spoiled my mood during the days, it was memorable. My sister has got married. Wow.. Besides dressing-up pretty that people thought the bridesmaids were the bridegroom, there were also tonnes of blessings for my sister, and brother in law.

The last day of the week, ended with freshies'night, a tradition party night especially for the freshies. It wasn't THAT fun though. Maybe i was just too tired, plus the flu.. I dont really enjoy it much. Duh.. what a lose..

The second week, hectic and busy with studies. Blame the fun and happening first week. I almost suffocated trying to catch up with everything. Now still suffocating.. But as i always believe, things are gonna be fine. So.. no worries...

Unspoken Words

If it wasn't her, what will we be like,
i don't really sure of this, nor my heart does
I'm just wondering, what will it be like,

Fairy tales are often so beautiful
but why does the mermaids end up turning into bubbles,
as if she's nothing at all, despite she has given up everything

Things are often unsure
Human are often weird
I might have thinking too much,
but if either one has to be true,
i hope, it would be the one that i favour

I hope it would be the way i hope,
I hope its not a fantasy, again...

Attachment- The great achievement

During the 2 months of attachment, I learned a lot, a lot from the lawyers in the firm.

The partner gave me a great task of research, which i am to look for everything related to the Civil Law Act, from the beginning of the Act in UK, till the latest amendment in Malaysia, the reasons behind every amendment, and lastly, the problem of the provision, and proposed changes.

Throughout the research, I learned, almost can do it with my eyes closed to look for related cases.
I learned the way a lawyer think,
I learned the importance of experience, because a very experienced clerk in the firm knows everything, alomst everything that even a lawyer dont know, or cant remember. He got arguments and ideas which are comparable to a lawyer's, i mean an experienced lawyer's idea. And yet he is nice, generous, and kind just like a grandpa.

In the last week, I was given a chance to join the lawyer's monthly meeting, and that was the time when my boss told me that my research article will be sent to the publisher of the Malayan Law Journal, which means that if everything is alright, it will be published in the Journal. That's a WOW! And he gave me a great compliment when he said I did a marvelous job, whether its true or not, it means a lot for me, because i was not treated like an intern who knows nothing, who only cause troubles. But the way they treat interns are, whether u studied it or not, whether you know it or not, i will give u this task and you will get it done no matter how. I will say, they are great teachers in the firm, even better than some lecturers or teachers. They are dedicated, although a bit of confident aka arrogant sometimes. But maybe that's normal, because the lawyer, Mr Muzamil told me that the prominent judge, Dato' Gopal Sri Ram hates it when a lawyer says 'I humbly submit' because A LAWYER IS NEVER HUMBLE.

Besides, the lawyers also often like to ask us to research for the cases as authorities for their trial cases. And thus i developed with the skills to look for cases related to the topic that i want, and filter them based on qualities. Quote from the lawyer, 'you always assume that the other side has many bullets, so you have to find more bullets than them, or you have to find a bomb to win their bullets.' Sounds funny, but its true..

Well, despite the pathetic payment for allowance, I will still praise the firm, for giving me this chance, in an coincidence, letting me achieve to another end.

Grown Up

The way to feel the process of growing up, i get to notice it more obvious than ever, that I am now a 20 year old girl, supposed to be more matured than I am.

The first one, freedom. As in I noticed that when hanging out with friends, most of us are driving. There were the days we used to rely on our parents, friends' parents, or elder sisters or brothers to fetch us out. We used to ask each other "Are your parents fetching u later?", and now we will ask "Are u driving later? Can u give me a ride?" We no longer stand there and wait for our parents to come to fetch us home, but we walk towards our own car, hearing the sound of car door unlocking across the parking lot, which are our friends' cars. That feels kinda... grown up..

The second, which is the one I dont like, seeing our parents aging. The previous years, I heard news from friends saying that XX's dad had a heart attack, YY's dad just passed away, ZZ's mother just went for an operation. I dont have any special feelings when hearing these news, but felt sorry for my friends.And then time goes on, my own parents started to got the obvious signs of aging. Not to say the hair growing grey, but health deteriorating. My father's blood glucose got quite high, close to be boundary line, and there after he cannot eat sweet foods, which were his favourite before that. He got to control his meal, cannot drink sweet tea, almost only drink Kopi-O-Kosong, which he forced himself fall in love with these drinks and foods. My parents cholesterol level got a bit high, so they will have to control their daily meal. I see my family's meals got tasteless and oil-less. But that was acceptable, considered as a way of living healthier lifestyle for me.

Until today, when mom come home and told me that daddy is going in ward for a check up for his heart, because the basic check up procedure today show that his heart beats are not that normal. If the next check-up shows any blockage, he will have to go into operation immediately. Well, that strikes me when i first heard that. The feeling of... your loved one might be in danger. And my dad didnt tell me anything about it when he came home earlier. He was smiling, offering to buy me lunch, not showing any signs of worry, more normal than normal.I dont know why. I dont know whether he is just trying to conform himself or trying to not to let us worry. My sister and brother in law told us that its not a big deal, just some normal procedure, but still... when my closest family member has to be 'hospitalized', the term that i dont like it much, whether big deal or small deal, its impossible that you will be not worried.
I pray to God, that my father will be ALRIGHT, my family will stay HEALTHY and HAPPY always. I pray to God to grant my parents health and happiness.

Just today, it strikes me with the fact that I'm grown up, my parents are old.. I should be more matured than I am. Shouldn't be throwing tantrum like a little girl, shouldn't be putting the burdens on my parents when i find it unbearable, because now, its my turn to share my parents' burden. 

The Angean Plane Crash - 1972

The note that the survivors wrote to get help to their mates who are still on the mountain.

The mountain where the plane crashed.

View from helicopter.

The Angean Plane Crash in 1972, was about the plane that crashed, on one of the mountain among the thousands in between Argentina and Chile. The survivors ate the body of their dead mates to survive on top of the chilling, snowing, no other signs of living creature mountain. And they remained alive by eating human flesh for 72 days until 3 survivors climbed for 10 days over the mountains, without any equipment, without any knowledge or experience, and reached Chile, called for help to rescue their mates. They were reluctant to tell the public that they survived by eating the bodies, and they told the press that they survived on eating the cheese that they carried on board, until an unauthorised article was published together with photos, they were being called as Cannibals. And even when they return to their homeland, Uruguay, they were being welcomed by newspapers with headline "Cannibals are back".

Ladies and gentleman, the issue is, whether human life supercede dignity of a dead person, or otherwise. Well, apparently some people think that the survivors should choose to starve to death on top of the showing mountain, but not to eat the dead body, because the dead bodies, belonged to human.

Maybe there's no definite right or wrong answer, that depends on your own way to value dignity and a life.

But here's my own personal view. I think that did just the right thing to eat the dead body to survive. The reason is simple, because for me, a living human is more important than preserving a dead body. A dead person, is.. just gone.. the body is nothing but a lifeless shell, and why should we let go of our life for preserving a life-less shell? I don't see the point. Just like what one of the survivors said:" Why should I feel guilty, I should celebrate for life."

I'm not boosting or supporting Cannibalism here, neither am I like human flesh nor ate human flesh. I don't even dare to imagine that taste. Neither do the survivors wished to eat the human flesh. They are Roman Catholics, most of them are, for God's sake. It took them for a few days to make the decision to eat the dead body, because they know that its either die, or eat the bodies. But their decision wasn't wrong, at least there are people who supported them, who tell them they did just the right thing, including the priest.

BUT, this still varies from people to people. My dad, for example, is disgusted by them, because he thinks that, the dead body are human, even though dead, so they shouldn't have ate them. When I heard him said this, it made me think of something about the value of life; is human's life more precious just because we are human, because we call ourselves as the King of all the living creatures in this world? Why didn't we think about the same thing when we are happily eating chicken, lamb, mutton, etc etc etc.... Is their life so valueless? Although me myself is a Omnivore, and i didn't have to thought to be a vegetarian, I got no stand to fight for the right to live for these animals. But still, I think that we shouldn't over value human life. It is inappropriate, to fix the principle that a human should not eat a dead human body in order to survive, but a human got every right to kill a living animal for food.

It is incredible for these people to get to survive on top of a showing mountain with no winter equipment, food and water, but dead bodies and snow. They had done what an ordinary human cannot do. Quote from the survivor, We should celebrate for life.

实习之 外传---Attachment

After declaring that i wanna work since after Form 5, finally, the dream come true, and im working in the law firm, the largest law firm in Kuantan, Messrs Balendran Chong.

I think im a lucky one. Because... this gonna lead to the most gossip-py office gossip in this firm.. The manager is a very very hate-able indian man, who makes a manager-kind-of job his part time, and his full time is BACKSTABBING.
Back to the point, this manager, he rarely forward the resume sent into his mail box to the partners. People usually have to call a few times, only they will be called by the partner to go for an interview.
Well, I m lucky cause i got to come to interview just after sorund 2 weeks i sent my resume. And i dont know what happened makes him being so efficient in my case. Maybe its just luck?

And then, after the very blur and scared first day (i dont even dare to drink water or go to the washroom...) But lucky enough, the colleagues are very very kind. They will always ask me where to go for lunch, some even will think a place for me to have lunch. When u accidentally showed a blur face, then they will ask u what's wrong and help u.. It made me feels like i'm a baby in the office, being protected by the others. lol.. That's the thing really surprised me, i never imagined office life is gonna be a so so friendly environment.

This firm, although so-called the largest firm in Kuantan, its actually not THAT large.. There are 10 lawyers, including partners, over 30 clerks, 2 attachee (including me) for the moment, and 1 chambering student. There one mini library,which has most of the needed case reports, and CCTVs, and spirits (due to the old history of the firm).

My boss is a high demand yet willing to teach lawyer boss. He gave me a mission in the first week working. He asked me to do an research on an issue which they are going to be argue in an appeal case. It's honourable to get to do this research, because, my boss told me that i have the license to use any resource and money and any staff to assist me in this research, as long as I get everything that he want, as much as I can. It made me feel.... more... more than an intern.. I learned a lot on how twist-able a lawyer's mind can be when they get to argue something. It amazed me sometimes. I spent 2 months time in that research, which it appears to be my new-born baby when the article is finally out.

..............
.............................
...................................................

2 months passed faster than I thought. And today is the last day of my attachment life aka my first time working for 20 years. The feeling, is happy to rest, but sad to leave. I already get used to this OL life, just like what my colleagues said, working together in a office (which is not so big) is just like a big family. Yeah, especially when everyone is happy and friendly.

My chinese colleagues even asked me out for lunch, and they treated me that meal. That's really touching because they seldom go out for lunch. They normally eat in office. That makes me.... feel... really good...

Indeed, there are a lot more to talk about my attachment life, every single bit of thing is special for me. Will work on it slowly, since i still have 1 month slacking time...

又吵架了！

跟大姐又吵架了。

我们从小关系就不是非常好，也不是不好，就是爱吵架。可能是因为性格太相近，很难忍受她。她这人讲话又不经大脑，好听的说就是直接，没心机，难听点，就是笨，容易吃亏，不会变通（现在在气头上，有对她数不完的怨恨和缺点）。

也不知道为什么，我可以忍耐很多人，就是不爱乡忍耐她那死人脾气。以前的话，我一定不会忍，一定会跟她大吵一顿，可是现在心想大家都长大了，EQ应该要高一点，拼命把那把无名火忍了下来，长大了就不好常吵架，不然我也怕会像阿姨们一样，都这么多年了，感情也不好。再说了，这个女人要嫁了，虽然嫁了还是会和娘家住得很近，可是，不知怎么说，就是会有不同。

可能也不是我的问题，是她的问题。因为二姐也曾经和她吵得很凶，到现在还是有一点心结。
为了那件事，妈妈因为大姐性格比较内向，老是帮她讲话，和二姐起了很多次冲突。

唉，也不知道怎么说，总之，姐妹就只有三个，应该要保持良好关系的。。。虽然她有时讲话是会令我想打人，可是有时也是很好的。。。

所以，还是老土的一句，小不忍则乱大谋，百忍成金啊！

他说

这个人，很奇怪，可是我们一直保持联络，其实也只有他每次找我。
就在这一天，我在office偷懒上FB，忘记appear offline, 然后他来找我chat。
我怕被那个讨人厌的manager发现，又不想和他chat，一直敷衍他。
吓死我了，他居然跟我将说他要来Kuantan找我！
我说，我很忙，真的很忙，我做完Attachment要去泰国，不在家。（其实也没有骗人，我是真的要去泰国的，只是没有这么快去，没去这么久而以）然后我就一如既往快手快脚GoOffline。
多谢FB的新Function，AppearOffline了还可以收到Message。
不久后我收到他的Message，他说，我真的很想明白你，可是我尝试了，我还是不明白你，没关系，我会努力的。
心里一阵内疚，很想跟他说，你不用明白我，因为我不想你明白我，再说了，我也不明白自己。觉得自己很坏，可是没办法。。。。。
就算了吧，心里知道他不是什么好人，也不过是假假而已，不用放在心里。

好了，要回去工作了，还有半个小时要放工了。。外面再大雷，好像要下大雨，令我想起早上看到的新闻，菲律宾和韩国被暴风雨袭击，死了很多人，也会影响到这里的天气。
唉，天气越来越奇怪，天灾很多，难道真的要世界末日了？目前还不想死啊。。。
很长气，真的要走了。。。
完笔。

见或不见

你见
或者不见我
我便在那里
不悲不喜。

你念
或者不念我
情就在那里
不来不去

你爱
或者不爱我
爱就在那里
不增不减

你跟
或者不跟我
我的手就在你手里
不离不弃

来到我的怀里
或者让我住到你的心里

默然   相爱
寂静   欢喜


不知道为什么，就觉得这首诗很有feel。。。
作者是一个喇嘛，身不由己的爱上了公主，说是断了六根，可是啊，从一出生从上辈子带来的，又怎能说断就断呢。。。
写出了这首诗，虽然字用得不深，可是却是用了最简单直接的方式表达出海枯石烂的爱意。没有富丽堂皇的修饰，只有人最简单的情感。
哎哟喂，最近很是欣赏中国文学，没有政治的肮脏龌龊，只有高尚的情操，优雅的字眼，古人的感性。谁说我崇洋了。。才没有呢。。这些年的华语可不是白读的。。我呀，说起一口标准的华语来，还是有人以为我是中国人哪！

Chapter 1- 3rd Volume of 'C'est La Vie' - Review

Time flies and its time to sum up my first year in uni.

July, I got into uni and started my uni life with an awful week of uni orientation which means nothing but a waste of time and a week of mental and physical torture.And then there was another week of law school orientation, and this one, i think it was a more useful one.It teaches us, as a newbies in law school, and an infant in law career, a great lesson. Think a thousand times before you talk, especially when talking to someone senior, or not so close. And it introduced to us the tradition of seniority in law school, which i think, it is a barrier which we could never cross in senior-junior relation. And also the formality in legal field, perhaps a tradition of centuries, which we could never change.

After a few weeks of being a dumb newbie in law school, i'm but striving hard to learn law, which i knew nothing about it before, and having fun and a lot of lessons in joining activities. Interviews, which taught me how you're doomed when a senior who doesn't like you and lucky you that she/he is in the board of interviewers that you could never get any post from the interviews that she is in the board. Yes, that's the tradition of seniority which i should face, which maybe will last like forever until i'm working. 

And welcome to the world of back and white!

Law Career Convention was the first activity in law school that i joined. It was a great experience and exposure to a lot of people practicing law. And it shows me the faces of the hated lawyers, typical hated lawyers. But nonetheless, i still got to know some who are nice and friendly. 

Uni-Edu Book Fair, the first university level activity that i joined. It's nice that i get to know a lot of people by joining this activity. But also, it taught me a great lesson of dirty political tactics behind the organizing committee. It was harsh, but right, that's how dirty and cruel the reality is, and that's the day that i knew that i'm no longer a small girl in high school, that i knew, not everyone that you thought they are nice is indeed nice, that i know none in this world that worth my 100 percent trust, maybe.

And a lot of activities that gave me chance to meet a lot of people from the another country. International exposure, as one of the baby steps towards gaining maturity. --ALSA events, student exchange program--

Debates, which i got involved in by coincidence since the first orientation week, and somehow i stayed. I learned a lot of skill in speaking, technically, debating. I met a lot of people outside, which is a good exposure to the outside world. And also, seniority and dirty tactics that people use to gain trust and good names.But as I always believed, as long as you did nothing bad, people cant ruin you anywhere, and at the end of the day, they will be the one who ruined themselves, when they tried so hard to put people down, out of jealousy.

Study Trip to Korea, that one week is probably the most enjoyable, the happiest week throughout this year. There's no word that i can use to describe that week, but really,it is  an unforgettable week of my life. I still fall into the hole of sweet memories whenever i look back to the pictures.. =) Thats the first time, i see snow in my life, and the first time i get to know a lot of people, from 9 different countries.. Its an incomparable memory--

Buddy,this is probably the most mysterious thing in this whole year. I got a guy, who probably is the most muscular guy in law faculty and another girl, a beautiful and smart girl as my buddy. even though my buddy line isnt a glamorous one, nor it is a complete line with a buddy in a different year. But im satisfied, because these two that i got are nice. But after one and a half semester, my buddy gone missing. With no even a single strand of information or message, he just left like that, no even some symptom before he left. And now, i hope for nothing but his return at the beginning of next semester, though some people kept telling me that he's not coming back. But still, i hope and i pray for his return. It would be a great lost, if a good, nice and selfless buddy like him, just leave like that.

Love life, its quite a happening year. I went to dates, I considered a few times, but at the end, i still put an end to every single possibility of getting another half of mine, in my life. Maybe the mr. right is just not here yet. And i'm happy and satisfied with my status quo now. So why drag myself into these sort of troubles. I might have hurt someone, because of my selfish, childish and silly decision. My sincere apologies to them. But still, i couldnt find the key to unlock the door, to open my heart to someone i think worth it, after what i've witness myself, and what happened to my own self. I hope it wouldnt result to a great mistake from what i've done. 

Friends, no to forget, all the happy and funny moments i've spent with my friends!

I think, and some people tell me, that i;ve changed, matured, and.. tougher... lets celebrate for the transformation of this girl 

to this

All in all, I enjoyed my uni life and i love it. It is one of the most enjoyable period in my life. And I believed,          there will soon be an end of the dark days, and here comes the bright, happy chapter of my life. I have everything now, i have a good life, a bright future ahead, good friends, and a very very supportive and loving family. I appreciate all these, and i should love myself more, so that, all these that i have, can be more meaningful than they already are.

Lets hope for a better year ahead for next two semesters, and enjoy my long break. =)

Ma Vie

Well, somehow i've dropped back to the old way
living my life in fantasies, fallacies
its not true
but its doesnt hurt you life real life do
and im happy with it

Well, he contended that he means nothing to me but he likes me, and my so-called beautiful eyes
and i thought chinese have small eyes
now i know for the very first time,small eyes can be pretty!
how ironic
and he seems to forget the fact that he, has got a girlfriend
i cant help but confronted him with this, but this doesnt seems to bother him.. at all!
now i wonder where true love lies
does it die along with the gradually humanity?

Dream

I have dreams..
I have mighty dreams and i have ordinary dreams
I dreamed to have a peaceful, happy and simple life
I dreamed to have an extraordinary life, though might not be a simple one, though it might be tough, but its okay, because i wanted it so badly
More than often, I opted he latter
Then I will have to endure a lot of hardships, but its fine, because through endeavour we succeed
Yes, I'm positive that, thats what I want, I shall go for it, stand still with my stance, I shan't change my goal for my life..
Yes, That's me, I shall know who I am, I shall see who I really am in the reflection, not someone stranger..
Its not gonna just a dream, I shall make it a dream come true..
its not just a fantasy, I shall make it a reality...

사랑

난 당신을 퍼거십어...

나 바버입니다, 나 아라...

하지마, 오바을 진자 당신을 잊을 수 없어..

也许，心死了，就是救不回了吧。。。

Don't care about those who doesnt appreciate you
Show to them that you is worth to be appreciated
Make that person feel stupid for not doing so
Love yourselves more, because you deserve no less than you own love

life

Sometimes, letting go is the last resort, but it is also the best choice, in the pursuit of happiness

Yes, in theory, none of us are meant to be a quitter, but if quitting is a better choice, why not?

Indeed, I think letting go of something that i'm unsure of, I am now happier, I have no burden in my heart

I life my live for myself, not for anyone else

'No one will love you if you don't love yourselves'

LET GO

Yes, maybe its time to let go
no matter how heart breaking it is,
but maybe letting go is still the last resort, maybe the best
since its so tiring to keep on holding it
why not just let it go
walk away from the cruel reality
and back to my world of fallacy...

I guess we are getting tired of each other,
is it a good or bad thing?
I dont know

We are but human, a teeny tiny creature in this universe. Maybe,we just cant change our fate.

I dont care about it, as long as i'm still feeling happy, i dont care what else to be giving it in the pursuit for happiness.

Alcoholic

Today, I cant stop myself from writing something about alcohol

why?

Because I was drunk last night, well, not THAT drunk, but just felt dizzy and couldn't control my thinking properly 100% for a while. I thought I'm gonna fall asleep very soon and I won;'t be waking up until the noon, but instead, I stayed up to study and I woke up at 8am in the morning the next day!

I had a long long good night sleep and when i was awake, i took a glance at my clock, thought that its gonna be very late, but wow! it was 8 in the morning!

So... my conclusion is, alcohol could make you drunk for awhile, and keep you in clear mind and awake for a longer time.

Just like some other thing that you thought it's a bad thing, sometimes, it keeps you blurred and confused for awhile, but after that, when you have a clear enough mind to think about it, it actually teaches you a good lesson, and make you aware of it for a very long long time.

Old times

I miss the old times when i could do anything i want, anytime

I wanna dance along with any song that's playing in my ipod, I wanna play any song with the lovely piano, I wanna stretch and twist my body in yoga, I wanna read books which i love!

Where's my life here!?

We

It seems to me that we have much distance between each other

We both demand for different thing, having different expectation towards each other, having different perspective towards things. None of our thinking line seems to meet at any point of time.

Maybe people having such different characteristic just dont meant to be together

After these time, things still didnt work out,because i'm always unsure.

Perhaps, thats the way destiny fate our route. It just a dream that will not come true.

Maybe I should just back to the old route which suits me better.

tired

im getting tired of my life
why cant everything just be simple and normal
why must everything twist and turn into an ugly way at the end
sometimes, im just envy to those who get to have a simple and happy way to live
maybe there's a lot to be changed

Adjustable Life?

That's an inspiration after watching The Adjustment Bureau
Life is a set formula for us to go through can complete the performance. I believe that's a fact that many people believe to be true. Though none can tell if its really true.

But is life really adjustable? That sounds like a myth. Adjusting your life the way you want, the only requirement is to have determination. If its so, I believe that level of determination must be very high, unreachable by normal people.

There's this real story that happened to a man whom i know, with wealth and high status in the society. He said that someone told him that his life wasn't set that way, he wasn't meant to have this achievement that he possess now, until that day he rescued all the people on a sinking fishing boat. And that, changed his life forever.

That sounds to be a bit of superstitious. But maybe, moral of the story is just to tell us to do more good things, hoping that one day it will change your life to a better one? Or maybe, it is just to tell everyone to have determination to do something, just go for it no matter what. After all, I somehow sum it up to two very simple and lame advises that we knew long long time ago.

That's one last funny thought I popped up in my mind all the sudden. Is that my life is set the way that I'm destined to have continuously changing mind, that always when I'm about to make a serious decision, then my feeling changed at the very crucial last minute, and then I decide the other way round.

Liars?

Well, people lies, we lie, dont we?
But people, dont always feel bad after u tell a lie
If it is for good cause, why not?
get a justification to kick away the guilt

There are people lie for many good reasons:
1. To save some dignity for themselves
2. To save reputation ( themselves or someone else)
3. To avoid further annoyance, when people keep on bugging u with the same question, you lie to them.
4. As a means of revenge, people lied to me so i lied back, whether it is ethical or not, people do this most of the time
5. Some other more, the above are so far what i discovered from people around me and myself too

Well, we are all liars for some time, that's the fact that we can't deny. I challenge anyone who dare to say that he or she never lies. Trust me. NO ONE.
So,do not stereotype liars as bad ones. Sometimes, people do lie for a good cause, for a better outcome rather than telling the truth.
Ask for forgiveness from the one u cheated inside your heart, maybe will ease your feelings?

Okay, I'm crapping here. Because I just told a lie, and I'm now trying to get a good name for liars.

Again, the same question keep on wandering in my mind

the negativity almost conquered my soul and my mind sometimes

sometimes it makes me wonder about my life

the point of living

the point of struggling in this reality

but somehow, i always get to have a reason for me to hang on

that im a lucky one

still a lucky one no matter what

because the world doesnt want me to let go yet

there's still a place where im still wanted

where im still more than just a little bit

where i can still feel my own presence

despite the chaos out there

because im a lucky one

a fate twisting chance

Well, according to a kinda reliable source,

IT says my fate is going to have a huge turning point

only if i grab the chance in time, and utilize it

Yes, it is indeed a good sign

But where is the chance

which one is the chance?

Only God knows..

Maybe things should go naturally...

Maybe human is destined to walk along the fixed path...

Arrogance

Yes, I know you are good
I know you are brilliant
I know you have an extraordinarily brilliant brain
But do you have to show to the whole world how smart you are
Do you have to undermine others just to make yourselves outstanding?
You say you are confident, I say you are bitchily arrogant

Tell you what,
a true successful people is not about how well you can show your cleverness
but it is to have people who truly convinced by your wisdom
no matter how smart you are, or rather you THINK you are, you are still an absolute FAILURE if people do not convinced by you
Because you dont think that you are wrong when you are in fact WRONG. And this is really something WRONG with you!

'When you think you are the top of the world, you often fall without knowing why'

Dream called Fantasy

Have you ever dreamed of someone you have never met in your life,
he appears in your dream one fine night
and you fell for him
and that feeling of affection was so so real
that i wish i can stay in that dream forever
that i wish the time that i have o wake up will never come
You call it a fantasy?
well, perhaps it is
no, it is indeed
but sometimes, having a dream of fantasy is somehow better
you wont get hurt in that dream
you feel loved
you dont get abandoned
how wonderful life could be if it wasn't just a dream...

TIRED

i think im really tired
law faculty is indeed a land of gossips and sins
why cant theses people behave more matured, more like a university student?
i feel like im back to high school
the life was like gossip girl sometimes, occasionally
i hated that part of high school,but get used to it
and then, there was a year of peace in matrics
and now!
another gossip girl like life
and its even worse worse worse!!
im really really sick of these
im officially tired
I wanna run away from here...

Malaysia Boleh?

Malaysian always Malaysia Boleh in events, from the leaders to the laymen, but how many of us truly think that Malaysia Boleh in our heart when we are soaring the slogan?

We have our national car, but we rely on Japan technology to manufacture a car. Can we manufacture a car without any foreign technology? Can we invent our very own technology? Can we have our truly own national car? We will never know unless and until one miracle day Malaysian willing to take this brave step to stop relying on foreign technologies.

We have our own national spaceman. But is he the real spaceman? He was merely following others spaceship to go to outer space. He was merely spaceship-pooling. People call that a passenger. We don't think thats anything worth to be bragged about.

We have our own twin tower, proudly to be bragged as the world's tallest twin tower. Yes, i think its beautiful especially at night, it looks like two lighted corns. It is indeed the landmark of Kuala Lumpur. It is indeed a beauty at night and day. But is it built by our own? It was a contribution of Haitian engineer, Argentine designer, Japanese consortium, and Korean contractors on our land. Yes, it was built by using our money, tax payers' money. But do we want it? I don't know, because I was still a kid back then when it was built. But the people has very little say. It doesn't matter what we want, as long as the government thinks that it is for our country's good, they will do it anyways. The best example to be raised at this point is the rare earth plant which was being opposed by almost 99% of the local residents of Kuantan since it was proposed,but still being built in great progress now. They don't seems to care the public voice. We are the residents, we are the one who are going to be affected after all. And yet we are so trivial to them. And look, we are a democratic country!

We also have the marvelous KL International Airport. Yes, it is nicely built, it is new and big and.. well.. beautiful. But look, not much plane want to pay to stopover at this marvellous nicely built airport. They don't think it worth the high rate charged despite the building is utterly beautiful. And people rather go to the cargo-like-looking LCCT than this huge and beautiful KLIA. Why? I guess every Malaysian knows.

And now we want a nuclear plants as if we are facing shortage of electric power. And yet the brilliant Bakun Dam which proposed to supply overdose electric power compared to the amount we need is yet to be built. Maybe they are meant to have something more other than supplying electric power? I don't know, because I hate science.

Anyways, despite what we think, I believe all of us, As Malaysian really hope that we can proudly tell the world that ' We are Malaysians, Malaysia Boleh!' without embarrassed feeling. We want what we  need, we want what we truly want.

You

Whatever it is that you want from me,
I wont get it, I assure you
Because today is such a lucky day for me
Today is the day that I found out the truth about you
The fallacies are all gone
You will no longer be in my life
Not any means of contact that you will get to me
I hope that the innocent one that thought you are the right one will get her wish come true
You are already such a big disappointment to me
Lucky that I did not put much hope on you
But still, I hope the other one will not be hurt by you

Sorry

I am sorry that I had a crush on you
I am sorry that I am a person who easily had a crush on someone
I am sorry that it is only a crush
I am sorry that I am a failure in steering where my heart goes

Depression

Second test for Family Law?!
Oh please
Thats gonna be a murderer which gonna kill me someday
Should Family Law be something much interesting than Contract Law? Come on, Contract is deadly boring me.. Family Law is not boring at all in principle, it is indeed very much interesting with dramatic cases.. But the problem is our beloved lecturer who creates a hell for us to live in.. LOL and she said its a way to train us to be a prominent lawyers! Perhaps it might works! who knows~

But the main point is, is that second  test is gonna makes any difference?
Look, the thing about Family Law is not how high you can score
Its about whether you can pass it or not
so, if this second test creates a huge margin between our marks, then at the end of the day we might not getting any result betterment, because they've got enough high scoring people?
Thats just simply my fear,just a taboo
sighhhh
now we all have to study all over again, from beginning to the very end!
I thought finally I can rest for a week or two before start preparing to finals
now.. plan officially crashed!

Lets hope that this second chance is gonna do some magic,miracle happens right
lets hope that it make us all high scorers for Family Law!

TO KNOW OR NOT TO KNOW

If you were me, would you choose to know the bad news?
Some people would say, know is better at least i wont be a dumb ass then
Some would say, being ignorant is better than knowing and be disappointed
I was the first one until the day i knew something bad
and till know i'm still doomed by it
I felt intimidated, afraid, creep whenever i was alone with them
I can't face them as I did
I felt very uneasy
The worst thing is that i cant talk to anyone about it
because i promised
please please please
get the feeling out of me
i hate this

My Friend

My bestie in high school, nd now still my best friend, Jay Kie is sick
I knew that she's sick since last weekend
But i knew it was just normal fever,
and i was extremely busy with tests
i didn't cared much about that
then the next time i heard from her was that she was so ill
she was in icu
I felt so bad at that moment
what kind of terrible friend i am
a bestie, who doesnt know that she's so ill
im so bad
i hated myself for not asking much when the time i knew that

and then i went to visit her just now
its good that she can still recognise us,
she wanted to talk to us, tried hard but cant do it
i felt really really sorry for her when i saw her in that condition
i missed the healthy her who will talk about everything with me
ask about my recent condition
showing concern for anything.....

She's such a loving person
she's kind, no evil thoughts
filial to her parents, take care of her lil brothers
such a lovable girl

Dear god, please, please,
let her recover fast and fully
i want my healthy Jay Kie back...

Annoyed

There's this guy who i knew him in a debate tournament,
added me in facebook
and keep on come and chat with me
asked about my background
asked about my information
and that creepy guy asked me out
holy god....
i only responded to him for the sake of UM's reputation and my own reputation
if not there will be rumours saying that UM debaters are 'arrogant dumb asses'
he is so annoying
he is not even my friend
screw him!

一颗漂浮不定的心，就是安定不了。
飘来浮去，寻寻觅觅。。。
却找不到答案。
怎么办。。。

Future???

It seems like the earth is really mad at the greedy humans
It seems like the God is determined to bring us to an end,
or maybe another new world, which is merrier than this current one we have
Are you afraid of death?
Are you afraid of the end of the world?
This seems to be the question in everyone's head when the breaking new of Japan earthquake and tsunami...

Well, I thought.. is there a future awaits for me?
Is there a hope to live for?
Where is my future when everything is so uncertain
It seems to me the earth can be destroyed anytime now
It is so defeating that even Japan, with that achievement in technology can't foresee such a massive devastating disaster...
Is that true that human just can't control our own fate, just can't do anything with our destiny, but to follow the path set for us?
So where is my future?
Where is our earth's future?
How many days more we can live?

I think human maybe just an inferior
No matter how hard we try to twist and change our destiny,
how hard we try to set our own fate
for centuries, human had been trying to invent something to get control of the earth
be the controller of the mother nature,
but still.. once again proven, we can't...

Once again.. when there's nothing can be done,
all we can do is to pray
pray to god to grant us some mercy
pray to god to help our fellow earth-mate...

10 March 2011

the thoughts keep on wandering in my head today
so i thought by writing it out, i can shake it off my head...

I've been pretty much left behind and forgotten by my friends
i dont know their chat topic
they went for movie without asking me
they study together
they chit chat together
and im pretty lonely
 it makes me wonder if all the commitments worth it for letting my friendships go
it makes me wonder what is more important in my life

and then i realised that sometimes people who i thought they are bad,
but somehow they are nice to me
while people who i treated them with my sincere heart,
it seems like i didnt get the same back
the world is weird with all the unpredictable human inhabiting on it

and then i pray,
praying deep inside my heart that everything will be fine soon
praying that god will grant me my wishes, though i know that im being greedy
praying that the world will be merry again

human are weird i think
because even me myself dont know myself well

i thought im gonna be sad, unhappy for some reasons
but im not
i thought that might be the chance that i can grab, and hold it tightly in my palm, never let it go
but it turns out that i dont even bother to grab it

perhaps thats the lesson of life, which last for a lifetime
we learn to adapt to changes, or we get left behind
we learn to make everything happened as an inspiration for life betterment

and now what i learned is, not to take things seriously, so that i can let it go when its not here for me anymore, so that i'm not gonna live in miserable life just for something which is not meant for me...

The King's Speech
21

My Life

people spend part of their life wondering
and i do spend most of my life wondering
wondering why i'm here, why i'm doing this,
wondering if i truly want this
wondering which road to be taken, and never look back, never regret
wondering if i'm on the right path now

if these wonders help?
even if i realised that one of my wonder turns up with the negative side?
do i have the bravery to make a big u-turn of my life?
i dont think so
perhaps im just a coward?

things with friends didnt going on so well recently
but im wondering if friends to be chosen, or a career to be chosen
i dont know

its weird that i am not as sad as i thought i would be
just a little lonely creep inside my heart


Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, Graphite, 6" Display with New E Ink Pearl Technology

The Complications

I am getting tired of all the complication of human
I am getting sick of it
Why should people make this merry world so complicated, all dirty with the sins
Things could be so easy if we choose the way to be it
I am sick with the sins of human
The thief, the fakers, the bitches, the COLD ones...
They make me feel like diminishing among these awful people
Why should hatred should grow between people
Why we don't love each other
Love seems to be the solution of everything
Just a bit more caring, a bit more sharing
But seems like this only exist in fairy tales
I just wanna be myself, not to be moved by these awful dirty people around me, just be myself, not to be changed by them...

Family is always the last resort for many problems...

Family is the only one who will stay by your side when there's problem,
share your joy without any jealousy or hard feelings when you good
listen to the crappy nags,
and stay behind you to support you no matter what...
That's the kind of love i'm seeking around me, besides my family...

Update

Things don't seems to be on the right track recently..

all the things keep on coming all together

i am nearly suffocated in this place

for once i can release my mind and soul from this evil place

but then when the time is up

i will have to go back to the reality

continue to struggle to survive

until that day when the emo-ness came,

no one is by my side

all those by my side don't seems to be supportive

then i broke down and cried as much as i wish

with a little childish hope that the bad things will go away together with my tears

and then, i prayed to god..

when things seems to be out of control

i can only pray

hoping the better ones will come to me

Korea!

Korea had stole my heart away right on he first day we arrived.. Not to say we went to visit many places.. Indeed, there are many places where i wished to go but didn't go for this time.. We went to places to shop the most and spend a lot..

The Koreans are so nice and friendly. Guess its their nature to treat people with such huge passion. I just simply feels nice to be with them. No wonder the guys are so into the korean girls. Even me myself is so much in love with them..

Thats the end of the nice stories..

The most priceless experience is that.. we missed our flight.. We didnt know that the check in counter here close 1 hour before boarding, instead we arrived here 45 minutes before, which is malaysia's system. We arrived just in time by subway, as the road had a massive jam due to a road accident. The counter was closed and the officer refused to help us..

The good thing is that the airline officer is kind enough to let us change our flight time to the next day with no extra charges. But anyhow, we wasted one day here and my whole study plan is ruined. I can't imagine how's my life gonna be when i get back to malaysia. Its gonna be really really busy that I have to make choices between something which i'd love to do both. I hate this.

The Brink

The stress comes immediately at the very first day of class after cny

I dont know whether is the kiasu-ness

or its the high expectations from others

or its the high expectation to myself

or its that im over-estimating the stress coping ability of mine

or its that the low self esteem

I just feel like giving up

giving up my life

giving up all the problem

and just run away and hide

But I know, its impossible

its just a thought, a dream that will never ever be realised,

its just a very greedy thought

a very irrational and illogical thought

I know

I just need something for me to be my hope

Something, to guide me to the bright side of my life, no matter how tough it seems to be now

Or someone to tell me everything will be fine soon, to tell me not to give up,

or just to grab my hand, and run.. run away from all the problems.. everything, and never look back.

but again.. it appeared to be just another greedy thought

everyone is selfish over here

when there's problem, everyone will just focus on their problem,

no one cares, no one wants to waste their time, just to lend me their ears

they come and say hi, and then say bye and leave when they feel to do so

I am at the brink of collapsing...

The Chinese New Year in 2011

The CNY 2011 is the most inspiring one. Instead of keep on eating and sleeping and idle-ing non stop, i've been thinking a lot.

The very first day, we all dressed up, just like every year, we went to the temple, but we no longer pray in the temple, we took photos and photos outside the temple, thats the new tradition. And then we went to the tea estate for brunch, again, the new tradition. And then, we went to a former church, now a convent school to take photos. It might be the last photo-shooting time with sister on CHU 1. She's getting married this year, she can't come back for chinese new year with us next year, the year after, and the year after and the year after... I hate this chinese tradition.

The second day, again we dressed up and went to the same spot for photo-shooting, as memories. We went for a walk to my old house, where i used to live in since i was born until i was 7 years old. Things remained unchanged. The only thing that had changed is me, grown up, and everything there seems to be smaller than what i remembered.

The third day, the most memorable one. I got food poison! Got fever and vomiting since morning, went to the clinic for an injection to stop the vomit, but didn't got better. End up, I eat nothing but porridge and milo for the whole day, then vomit them out. I did nothing but stay in the bed whole day, controlling the vomit. Great. Whether its good or bad? The sickest cny, but i didnt gained weight, lose weight instead.

This CNY, clearly shown the children had all grown up, the adults are aging. We used to drink and get drunk during cny, all the adults, and children used to play kids games.

But this year, its totally different. The adult didn't drink because their body can't afford them to do so. The children didn't play kids games, but they gamble.

I missed the way we used to celebrate cny.

The thing remained unchanged is, there's still a lot of gossips in the big house, with a lot of people. Which is not a good thing. Shouldn't we as a family love each other?

However, the world change, things change, people change.

Everyone moved on, so we too should move on.

Learn to accept and adapt to changes.

The One

I think I've found the one

If we are meant to be together

dear god,

please let us to be together

even though its not even a beginning

but dear god,

please,

if thats the one,

so be it.....

2011- chapter 1

Well well well...

this year of 2011, begin with a lot of alcohol

I am drunk almost every saturday

I am kinda proud that my dad gave me this superb gene for alcohol

I am just like him, not easily drunk

and thats another thing which my uncles and aunts amazed by me

never look down at the naive small girl, because she's not that small girl anymore

she's been through a lot,

the cruel people around her, and the realistic world teach her a lot

this year, begin with a lot of fun

lesser study

and i've changed my perspective of life

and there's so many other things that i wanted to change

lets see, how different this year can be..

Wrong

I just realised that i can't live like tomorrow is the last day

Because if i do

I will make every decision without think twice

I will take every risk in front of me without much deliberation

I will put the books aside and not have a single look at it

I will spend all my money to go where ever i desire to go, buy whatever i want

And I will do whatever i want without thinking that will offend someone

But of course,

I will express my gratitude and my love to my family and friends

Anyway, if i do,

I, me myself is gonna make tomorrow to be my last day...

The Problem

There are the times, when i thought about what i want

I love to join activities

I love to meet people other than those familiar faces

I love to enjoy the moment when joining those activities

I enjoy debating

I enjoy organising activities, despite all the problems and unhappiness, but it doesnt matter much

But then I realised, this makes me has almost no friend to talk to when I need one

I committed most of my time to studies, and the others to debate and activities

I have no time to spare for my friends

I dont get to hang out with them, watch movie with them, chit chat with them

and eventually, they started to left me out for some hang outs

im afraid that sooner or later, im no longer considered one of them

and i end up only have friends in debates or activities

but most of the time, i have no friends

im really afraid of that.. the loneliness.. its killing me

and now, im in the midst of... confusion.. which one prevails..

The Meaning of Life

Decided to try every new thing, every opportunity which happens to be present in my life

of course, not those which might, obviously being harmful

That's what I've been thinking

We don't know whether our life is gonna be short or long

And yet life is so full of uncertainties and excitements are all hidden at the back of the uncertainties

So, we should just try it out

Thinking too much will only results in myself not trying anything, staying at the same starting point, not moving forward, just because of the fear of unknown consequences

Just let it be what it will be

Follow our heart

Follow our instinct sometimes

And thus life will be more exciting

And me myself, isn't spending my life with lots of regrets for not trying..

The Trial

A friend said, you never try, u never know

So, seems like there's a chance for me to try it out..

Should I stop thinking so much and embrace it and try it out?

Should I be the true self?

Seems like the dream is not ready to be given up yet...

The Dream

Perhaps the dream is to be given up

Perhaps it is all a faulty start

Perhaps it is just a mistake after all

Perhaps I'm being silly

Perhaps the dream is to be forgotten

Perhaps the dream is to be gone

Perhaps,

it is good for me...

or maybe, it is just a mistake covering another mistake and covering another mistake...

The Thought

At times I stop everything and start thinking,

why on earth am I studying so hard and working so hard?

am I truly enjoying my current life?

or should i do something special, as in fulfilling my dreams, just in case the world suddenly end at anytime, at least im not wasting my life

I think im a workaholic

I just wanna prove it to my family that I can definitely do it

The little failure in this family has now finally evolved to be the top

I wanna prove to myself that I can definitely do it

So I refused to let myself to take a proper break

And so i made myself to be a workaholic

And so i finally made it, at least there's people who are amazed

And so i'm thinking to let myself to have a proper break, to slow it down, to truly enjoy my life...\

Should I?

Am i not going to see you again?

Gosh, only the thought of it is killing me..

I am gonna miss u so so much...

The Life

There are so many things which i wished i could run away from them

There so many problems which i wished i could stop thinking about it

And there are so many people which i wished i could stop facing them

But the cruelty of the fact is here

I couldn't do a single of my wish

All i can do is to make my life a little better

and all i can do is to make it a little more enjoyable

And so I am trying my best to do it

It doesn't matter how long life would be or should be

the matter of facts is that I should enjoy my life, every single moment of it...

The Pencil Case in White

There is the lesson given early in the morning..

I just realised that I lost my beloved pencil case last night and then i couldnt sleep well he whole night..

you know what?

It means everything for me, my beloved highlighters are all inside, my beloved blue pens, my thumbdrive, my student card! is also in my pencil case, which may cost me like rm50 or more to get another one if i lost it..

So, do not show me a face when i tell u that i lost my pencil case, because a pencil case can be as important as a wallet!

And then early in the morning I woke up early, and I went to the faculty and look around and ask around, did u see my pencil case in white??

yes, just like a mad mommy looking for the lost child..

=P

and luckily, the makcik who sweep the lecture hall's floor found it and keep it for me

I am so lucky to meet two nice makcik who helped me to find my 'lost child'

and now i realised and experienced the words that people used to tell us,

do not look down at anyone who u thought is not important, because sometimes they can meant a lot to u at some point!

well, if the makcik is a irresponsible one, or just not being thoughtful, she might had just throw away my pencil case, and i cant imagine myself to have to rush here and there to recover my stuff inside..

so, thank you so much makcik!

=D

The Brain

I've heard about brain test, but had only seen those psychological tests which claim themselves as brain tests

and then i've seen machines that tests your brain and show the graph of your brain works, but only in tv show

but today, i've done one brain test by those machines

its a special experience

when the band was tied to my head, i felt like my eyes are hard to be opened and tears are likely to come out from my eyes, which i dont know why it happened

and then the professor who explained my chart for me said something even more surprising, unbelievable and... unbelievable!

He said I am at the middle between rational and emotional, and i took good grip of it

which means, i can control my emotion well!

and everyone knows that im a emo person

how could this happened!

and then he said, u might not be able to control your emotion for awhile, but when u realised it, u will be get in control of it very fast and well

wohoo~ it really make my day!

The Harmonica

The book fair, is a great experience i gotta say,

even though i might have not given my greatest cooperation, but i still enjoyed it

if not get to involved in this, i wouldn't have been had the opportunity to witness the performance of the world champion harmonica and listened to the great music they made

that was the moment when i, once again, feel the power of music, beyond any restriction of language and races and culture, we all together were moved my the music

and the feeling was just so great!

quoted from'The Time Traveller's Wife',

"I might not be able to make the music, but i'm still in love with it."

first week

Its only the first week of sem2 and here comes the stress...

perhaps the relaxing break makes me temporarily out of order in dealing with stress...

and the expectation

and the rumours

and the perhaps exaggerative information

and everything in uni

are making me feel breathless for awhile

and i really hate it

Want My Peaceful Life Back!