平凡

平凡，不好吗？

平凡的人，有着平凡的生活，平凡的快乐，平凡的爱，不受任何束搏的追求梦想。

无奈，平凡的人，总是不安于室，永无止境的追求遥远的不平凡，不惜任何代价，只为了逃脱平凡的宿命。

倾尽所有，实现了曾经遥不可及的梦想，却深深地感受到高不胜寒的滋味，曾经不屑一顾的事和物，却成了如今再也追不回的珍贵，才恍然大悟，曾经富丽堂皇的梦想，不过是一场黄粱之梦。

不平凡的人，

一生有如表面幸福的金丝雀，被困锁在不平凡的宿命里，

无声的成为命运的奴隶，哑然面对别人羡慕的眼光，心里却是在苦笑的嘲笑那些羡慕的目光，感叹自己无法逃脱命运的束搏。

人，就是有颗永不满足的心，总觉得别人的更好，却忽略了自己身边垂手可及的幸福，

有者及时觉悟，亡羊补牢，为时未晚，

有者等到恍然大悟时，却是回首已是百年身，后悔也是徒然。

珍惜所有，感谢上天所赐的平凡；

感谢自己能够拥有别人梦寐以求的不平凡。

To Mama and Papa

Time flies.

Without my awareness, after havent seen mommy and dad for just a few months, one fine day at home, suddenly i saw the sudden grow of dad's grey hair..

Then I realised im a grown up now, and of course, my parents are getting older and older.. Even though mom hardly show any sign of aging physically, but just like dad, she is too, getting older and older..

Somehow a sense of guilt raise up deep in my soul whenever im acting like a child, having mom and dad take care of my life and easing my burden on them and even having them fetch me here and there and sometimes drive me all way long to send me back to college.

They always worried about me and always figuring out a way to make my life easier, keep bugging me just to keep me safe, even though it might sounds absurd sometimes with the words u used when u are becoming anxious worrying my safety, and with the suggestion u came out with. But i know, no matter how unreasonable they might be, those are all another form of affection u have for me.

Thank you mama and papa.

I know crystal clear that im no longer a little girl that is obliged to demand help from the parents, without any sense of thankful, as if it is given for granted.

I know that im the one who suppose to be taking care of them and easing their burden.

But I know that im not doing that. Sometimes im stubborn and childish that i threw a tantrum on mom and dad, but they are always bearing with me. Sometimes when they are asking for my help im reluctant or just lazy to help them, but they will hardly say no to my demand. I always regretted after that and promise to myself that i will not do the same next time but it is often turn up to be failed.

I'm sorry for that im not being a good daughter.

I am actually aware that sometimes im behaving real bad when im running out of patience with the pace u walk, because u are aging and which i was unaware of it, the generation gap perhaps, which makes u not understand my words, with the way u suggested me to handle my stuff, with something u did. I know how bad my behaviours could be during the times, but i just cant control myself.

Once again i'm sorry for that.

Even though i didnt say it out, but i do really appreciate what u have done for me. U did everything u could and afford to do as a parent. There will not be the me now without u. And im happy that sometimes i could make u being proud of me.

I love you. <3

And by now im officially 19, im officially a grown up, and i will be a better daughter who u always deserve it..

My 19th Birthday Party

No idea how to start this

hmmm....

starts with.. i love my friends!!

thanks for the surprise birthday party

especially Ivan who planned the whole thing

i never thought that u actually remembered i told u that im gonna have a lonely birthday this year and so u planned this party

and also wai choon who bought the cake

its so touching..

and my friends yi hui, jia wen and saiful who took their time to come

thank you so much...

its so embarrassing that i thought its someone else's birthday and i sang along with u all.. LOL

until the cake was put in front of me then i realised it was all meant for me

u guys are so awesome!

thats what i said, having a few good friends is more than enough..

im never being greedy.. i don't demand any present or even a birthday cake

all i want is happiness and now i realised that the source of happiness is having loving family and real good friends by my side

at the age of 19, i finally got the answer to the doubt that has been bothering me for years

I always asked for happiness and always wonder how to gain it

and now i know

just appreciating everything i have now

if there's more to come in the future, so appreciate it more

if i ever being greedy and ask for something more when im actually being blissful now,

i will only end up being like a dog who constantly chasing its tail but will never get it

Appreciating the current happiness that i have, thats the key to stay happy always

Thank you so much to my high school buddies once again.. guess i will not get tired to saying thank you.. LOL

Its good to see you guys again and its good to have u guys in my life

Lets wish for the friendship to be forever in our life <3

*wanted to have the photos in this post but nine of them is with me.. =/*

Healing Incantation

Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the Fates' design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine

Right or Wrong

Often we said, you are wrong or you are right

But how do we know whether the others, or ourselves is really wrong or right?

is there a clear line exist between right and wrong?

is there a formula to define right or wrong?

we don't know, and who dares to say that he or she, knows that

What if someone did something wrong, either morally or legally wrong, but it is only done to avoid something worse happen or to protect their own right? Let say someone steals in order to ensure continuance of their life? Or someone take something that they deserves, or genuinely belongs to them unlawfully, is that labelled as stealing as well? Are they right or wrong?

What if someone did something right, but harms another or caused grave consequence to others? Let say, a mother beat the child, but it is only for the child's own good, and sometimes, even the mother hurts more when she beats her child? Is the mother right or wrong?

Well, the law will never be right in defining right and wrong, because the causation, the reason behind a wrong act are never the same, whilst the law is just is static..

Sometimes I wonder, no, I always wonder, when someone claims that he did nothing wrong, refusing to admit that he is actually wrong and comes out with every creative excuses to support his claim, can we trust him? Is he really never do something wrong? Well, a man, often or rather to say seldom will admit that he did something wrong, or even he admit it, often he will then comes out with all those reasons to support what he did, just to prove that what he did is bout of good will, and it is never done with malice, however, nowadays, with all those people who always carrying their masks, I personally, really don't know how to trust someone, I really don't know how to differentiate what is right and what is wrong, and I too, don't know how to chose someone to be trusted by myself..

Sometimes, I'm even tired of my family, yeah! so pathetic.. When everyone has their own opinion, everyone refused to accept the others opinion, and no one wants to compromise, even if they sounds like they did compromise, but actually deep in their heart, they only feels that they are still the right one and they only 'compromise' because they are the matured ones.. Ughh, the chaos is just so unbearable.. I wished to just mute all those noise, and shut the world off...

Sometimes, I'm really tired of myself, tired of bracing myself to world, even my family, I'm really tired in having to analysing every word said by the others, and I'm really tired of the fake people around me..

Somehow I wished to just show the true face to the world, to trust everything the others told me and just trust everyone around me, but seems like I've tried, and because of this idiocy, I was hurt, mentally hurt so badly, and thus I now, finds its really hard to do the same even though deep in my soul, I wished to do so, so badly...

My wish at the end of this year

I wish, I can have a long enough holiday, then I can go to a foreign city, where I can brring my favourite novel with my lappy, sitting at the coffee shop beside the road, sipping my hot coffee, reading my novel, using my lappy, and looking at the hussle and bustle of the city out there..

I wish, I can have a long enough holiday, then I can go to a foreign country, with a lot of mystery I wanted to check it out do badly, with my loved one, just two or three of us, expore the mystery of the country...

I wish, if I cannot have a long enough holiday as I wished, then I will have to stay in this city with the works and studies, I wish to have a loved one, who I can call when I'm tired, when I'm stressed up, when I'm pissed off, and there's my loved one be there for me, offering me a sort of comfort...

I wish, I can have the kind of simple happiness, and be a simple blissful girl, just like those around me...

No matter what happens, I wish, I can be just as happy as I am, because I have every reason to stay happy...

Sometimes, somehow, for some reason, i always thought people is being cold to me, i think the world is harsh,

until today i realised, its wrong, awfully wrong,

it might be me, it might be my problem

it might be me the one who is being cold first

it might be me who failed to trust people around me

it might be me who failed to treat everyone around me with my true heart

somehow, i dont know why, i just can't trust some people around me, i always wonder if they are telling the truth, i always thought that people is wearing a mask

and that is why, i'm always holding back, i'm always cold as some people would describe me

but now, someone give a pang on my head

i realised, its time to be true, its time to trust some people, when it appears right to to so, and its time to tell the truth...

its time, to stop holding back

its time, to put down the stone in my heart

Sometimes, when i'm alone in the room

no friends no family around me

and the loneliness strikes

the feeling of being abandoned

the feeling of unwanted

it sucks to the most

it makes me feels like.. a piece of crap

and i hate it to the most

maybe sometimes, when you always value something rationally

you end up getting nothing

perhaps sometimes, a person will be happier when being irrational..

2010 In A Nutshell

Okay, here comes the time to sum this year up~

Its kinda.. a happening year for me

I studied in the most remote and isolated area, in the middle of the jungle

and I too studied in the middle of the most happening city in Malaysia, and still here and will be here for at least another 4 years

And I went to 3 countries in this year, soon turning 4 countries!

And me myself, once was in the darkest moment of my life (at least for this 18 years) and now here, changed into another person

Been through a lot of things in this year, I realised many things

I realised how important family is, and how blissful I am to have my family with me

I realised that sometimes I just can't be the stubborn bull as I was

I realised that I have to compromise and give up something important for me for the sake of another thing, more important

I realised that sometimes I just have to stop thinking, since thinking won't help much but only makes me stay in the mist of darkness

I realised that when I figured out something and be very sure that I wanna get it, I shouldn't hesitate for another minute, and just go for it

I realised that sometimes I just have to let the God of destiny to decide for me, when things are so unclear

I realised that I cannot take everything for granted, as nobody is bound to treat me nicely, so I have appreciate everyone of them

I realised that if something bad happened, I have to take it as another lesson of life, so that I wouldn't be so frustrated for it

I realised that sometimes praying is helpful to keep my mind calm and peace

And I realised that life is so short, so I can't just cling on the principle of mine all the time, but I have to try something new

And I realised that maybe death isn't that scary, as long as I enjoyed my life, it's enough, and I'm lucky enough...

Discrimination

Its all about discrimination nowadays

The first, hottest topic is about gender discrimination

The Iking Case, bringing out the topic of how s498 Penal Code discriminate women, specifically wifes. Penal Code is a kinda 'old' law in this land, originating from England and India, i can reasonably understand why it consist of such an absurd section. Somehow, old people, whether Western or non-Western people, set the concept of men above women, no matter what women do, they will never and cannot have their position elevated. Take England as an example, the King Henry VIII only knows to blame his queens for not conceiving a son, he totally neglected, or never considered the idea that his daughter can also be a queen, a great ruler of the land, just like Queen Elizabeth I. Instead, he keep on finding reasons and excuses to get rid of his queens and married a younger queen, just to get a son or fulfill his lust, had he ever think that, it might be his problem, for unable to get a son?

Lets look at the non-western countries, the first female king of China, and the only official one, Wu Zhe Tian, she is one of the respected women of mine. But people only accused her for killing her son and husband to be the King, to get the utmost power, but lets look at this from another angle, she was a great ruler, she ruled the country so well that makes the era one of the brightest Dynasty of China. Well, I have to say, to get power, they must do something against the morality. I doubt if any successful politician who never done anything against his own principle or the morality ever existed. What about the male Kings, many of them, not to say was a failure king for failing to safeguard his country but they even used his people's hard-earned money for their own enjoyment and satisfaction. But apparently, most people seems to neglected them, not accusing them but putting harsh accusations on the female king, for using tactics to get power. Not to be a male discriminate here, just stressing the point here, that why can't people just view things equally regardless whether that is a man or women.

And the funny thing here is that, our country has bring this absurd, totally outdated concept here, intending that would do any good to our people, to safeguard the harmony of our society. The society is not static, the society keep changing, people's mindset keep on changing with time, but what about of law, not to say its failure to keep on track with the social change, but now, there are people defending the existence of such absurd law. I doubt if Malaysia can truly reach the very ambitious Vision 2020 with this kind of people, so many of them present in the government board, and having great power.

First Love is always the best..

I miss my first boyfriend

I miss it when he used to call me just to play me my favourite Canon in D

I miss it when he used to text me just to tell me that he miss me

I miss it when we used to be so sweet

I miss it when he used to care about he way he treated me, afraid that he might not doing the best for me

And i hate myself for dumping him

I was so bad, so bad that I don't even turn and look back when he begged me

I hate myself till now for doing that

Maybe because of that, so I don't deserve a decent guy since then?

再烦：也别忘记微笑

再急：也要注意语气

再苦：也别忘坚持

再累：也要爱自己

低调做人;你会一次比一次稳健

高调做事;你会一次比一次优秀

成功的时候不要忘记过去

失败的时候不要忘记还有未来

有望得到的要努力;无望得到的不介意

无论输赢都要高姿态

New Family Member!

My sister's boyfriend proposed to her!

It is now officially, gonna be a new family added into my family!

No matter how he is for the rest of us, as long as he treat my dearest sister nicely, and always loves her, I will be more than willing to have this new family member being officially one of us

So now what?

Dear sister and sister's boyfriend,

Here I am, with all my heart, hope that two of u, will always be happy, with the eternal love...

I always know that I am neither a good nor a kind person

I always know that...

Because I am not the kind of people, who are willing to put everyone ahead of myself

I am not the kind of people, who are willing to sacrifice myself for the others

I was for once

But then I was betrayed

They will not appreciate, they will not realised that you had done something for them and they took everything for granted

And end up, I was the fool, who did silly things which I thought they will appreciate but it end up exactly the opposite

So since then, I decided not to be the fool anymore

But now, I've met some good people, who are really kind

And for once, I think again, I should change?

Is it I shouldn't be so bad that sometimes I hate myself?

But can I survive in this dirty and filthy world, where we are surrounded by a lot of...complicated people?

I think I will never get an answer, There will not be a correct answer...

I have every reason to be happy

So dear God, please...

I'm praying and begging with all my heart,

let me stay happy...

Okay...

Here's the holiday plan...

Im gonna shop like a shopaholic

Im gonna learn to play a few new songs

Im gonna dance as much as I wish (who cares about the sprain)

Im gonna sleep whenever I want to

Im gonna read those long-wanted novels

Im gonna play as much as I wish

Im gonna let my mind wander as I always wanted to

Im gonna let go of myself!!!

There were times I wanted to give up

I wanted to just runaway

I wanted to just forget about everything

I wanted to hide myself from the word, from the stress

But then I keep holding on

And here I am

I never give up and that's why, here I am

I don't know if its good or bad

I don't know if i really want this

But because I worked so hard in pursuance of it

So I shall not give up now

I shall not runaway from problem

I shall face them with bravery with all the courage I have

It is not the end of the world yet...

NEVER GIVE UP!

The Tudors

My favourite drama of the year!

The first drama that makes me feel hoe pathetic a life of the royal family can be

With the sophisticated acting skill of the actors

Deep inside my heart i can feel their sorrow...

I can feel the how much greed of human can drive them to do crazy things

Even when the kings finally dies,

showing how much he regretted for the things he had done just to fulfill his lust

showing how pathetic he is for not having his family by his side when he is dying

showing, how pathetic he is for having family members who don't love him

but only scare and hatred

And I'm very lucky

not to say I don't have anything perfect

but at least

I'm blissful

I feel blissful