Crush and Crash

One crush over another, and now I'm crashed.

I dont even know if im feeling the right thing

Everything seems just fake and imaginary

Is the time not here yet or is the way life is?

Brand new life, old draggy lessons

After been MIA from the blog for awhile, really dont feel like starting it with another emo post, but i dont feel like writing until the emo-ness is still haunting me after hours of phone talk and songs repeating... So, lets begin with emo-ness...

It has been 5 weeks after starting the new semester, besides seeing the fresh juniors in the uni, and missing some old faces we used to see in the faculty, still, the lessons that you get to learn everyday in law school wont stop teaching you... Things get very very very draggy and I felt like shouting sometimes, but i didnt, because the result would be.. i dont know.. people thought im mad? or people thought im just stressing myself out, which might be true..

The first lesson: do not tell people everything you think, because when everything that you know or about you is exposed to the people, either it would become a 'secret' that everyone knows, or it would become a bad rumour spreading around, which is definitely do no good for you. Not worth a try. 

Second lesson: always control and control and control your emotions, even in front of your friends. Because friends are never like family who will always forgive and forget. Opps.. maybe not, sometimes even family cant forgive and forget, not to mention friends. You definitely dont wanna pissed your friends out, because at the end of the day, they are the ones that you are going to rely on. No one can survive by being alone in law school.

Third lesson: always think twice and maybe more before you say something, especially in front of your seniors or lecturers. Because law students are taught to interpret words, and you will never know how the meaning is going to be twisted and turned into an ugly way after those 'interpretations'. So, do take into account of that, and make your words as precise and clear and you can, just like the way statutes are preferred to be written in.

Fourth lesson: Kick away the count-how-much-you-might-lose characteristic. This is not specifically for law school, but for all kind of situations. When you think people will give in and dont expect anything in return, do make it expectation applicable to yourselves. Being counting too much, you will stress yourselves out and gone mad when you realised how much you have lost when you do this and that.

Fifth lesson: Have someone whom you can talk to, and trust. Otherwise you will end up becoming a illustrative psyhco who talks to yourselves and expect a voice from no where will de-strss you.

Feel better after listing these lessons out, because when i lose something, and at the mean time i got a harsh lesson for life. =)

Year 2 in Law School

Towards the end of the second week of the brand new semester, had the sudden urge to type out my feelings towards these few days.

The first day back to uni, depressed and feeling lonely in the room alone.. But excited in my new room, more spacious, newer, and... more privacy.

The first 3 days were the orientation week that i experienced as an Orientation Committee aka JKO. Besides the memory flash back of my first year from the freshies, i enjoyed it a lot.. like.. really a lot. Though tiring, but no regrets. Feeling weird to have a bunch of juniors all the sudden, and really.. time flies. It's like just yesterday that i was still a freshie in black and white attire and shivering legs facing the never-know-how-to-smile JKOs.

And then.. the happening week happens with 3 days of super duper busy days with my sister's wedding. Not to mention about the trouble-making relatives which spoiled my mood during the days, it was memorable. My sister has got married. Wow.. Besides dressing-up pretty that people thought the bridesmaids were the bridegroom, there were also tonnes of blessings for my sister, and brother in law.

The last day of the week, ended with freshies'night, a tradition party night especially for the freshies. It wasn't THAT fun though. Maybe i was just too tired, plus the flu.. I dont really enjoy it much. Duh.. what a lose..

The second week, hectic and busy with studies. Blame the fun and happening first week. I almost suffocated trying to catch up with everything. Now still suffocating.. But as i always believe, things are gonna be fine. So.. no worries...

Unspoken Words

If it wasn't her, what will we be like,
i don't really sure of this, nor my heart does
I'm just wondering, what will it be like,

Fairy tales are often so beautiful
but why does the mermaids end up turning into bubbles,
as if she's nothing at all, despite she has given up everything

Things are often unsure
Human are often weird
I might have thinking too much,
but if either one has to be true,
i hope, it would be the one that i favour

I hope it would be the way i hope,
I hope its not a fantasy, again...

Attachment- The great achievement

During the 2 months of attachment, I learned a lot, a lot from the lawyers in the firm.

The partner gave me a great task of research, which i am to look for everything related to the Civil Law Act, from the beginning of the Act in UK, till the latest amendment in Malaysia, the reasons behind every amendment, and lastly, the problem of the provision, and proposed changes.

Throughout the research, I learned, almost can do it with my eyes closed to look for related cases.
I learned the way a lawyer think,
I learned the importance of experience, because a very experienced clerk in the firm knows everything, alomst everything that even a lawyer dont know, or cant remember. He got arguments and ideas which are comparable to a lawyer's, i mean an experienced lawyer's idea. And yet he is nice, generous, and kind just like a grandpa.

In the last week, I was given a chance to join the lawyer's monthly meeting, and that was the time when my boss told me that my research article will be sent to the publisher of the Malayan Law Journal, which means that if everything is alright, it will be published in the Journal. That's a WOW! And he gave me a great compliment when he said I did a marvelous job, whether its true or not, it means a lot for me, because i was not treated like an intern who knows nothing, who only cause troubles. But the way they treat interns are, whether u studied it or not, whether you know it or not, i will give u this task and you will get it done no matter how. I will say, they are great teachers in the firm, even better than some lecturers or teachers. They are dedicated, although a bit of confident aka arrogant sometimes. But maybe that's normal, because the lawyer, Mr Muzamil told me that the prominent judge, Dato' Gopal Sri Ram hates it when a lawyer says 'I humbly submit' because A LAWYER IS NEVER HUMBLE.

Besides, the lawyers also often like to ask us to research for the cases as authorities for their trial cases. And thus i developed with the skills to look for cases related to the topic that i want, and filter them based on qualities. Quote from the lawyer, 'you always assume that the other side has many bullets, so you have to find more bullets than them, or you have to find a bomb to win their bullets.' Sounds funny, but its true..

Well, despite the pathetic payment for allowance, I will still praise the firm, for giving me this chance, in an coincidence, letting me achieve to another end.

Grown Up

The way to feel the process of growing up, i get to notice it more obvious than ever, that I am now a 20 year old girl, supposed to be more matured than I am.

The first one, freedom. As in I noticed that when hanging out with friends, most of us are driving. There were the days we used to rely on our parents, friends' parents, or elder sisters or brothers to fetch us out. We used to ask each other "Are your parents fetching u later?", and now we will ask "Are u driving later? Can u give me a ride?" We no longer stand there and wait for our parents to come to fetch us home, but we walk towards our own car, hearing the sound of car door unlocking across the parking lot, which are our friends' cars. That feels kinda... grown up..

The second, which is the one I dont like, seeing our parents aging. The previous years, I heard news from friends saying that XX's dad had a heart attack, YY's dad just passed away, ZZ's mother just went for an operation. I dont have any special feelings when hearing these news, but felt sorry for my friends.And then time goes on, my own parents started to got the obvious signs of aging. Not to say the hair growing grey, but health deteriorating. My father's blood glucose got quite high, close to be boundary line, and there after he cannot eat sweet foods, which were his favourite before that. He got to control his meal, cannot drink sweet tea, almost only drink Kopi-O-Kosong, which he forced himself fall in love with these drinks and foods. My parents cholesterol level got a bit high, so they will have to control their daily meal. I see my family's meals got tasteless and oil-less. But that was acceptable, considered as a way of living healthier lifestyle for me.

Until today, when mom come home and told me that daddy is going in ward for a check up for his heart, because the basic check up procedure today show that his heart beats are not that normal. If the next check-up shows any blockage, he will have to go into operation immediately. Well, that strikes me when i first heard that. The feeling of... your loved one might be in danger. And my dad didnt tell me anything about it when he came home earlier. He was smiling, offering to buy me lunch, not showing any signs of worry, more normal than normal.I dont know why. I dont know whether he is just trying to conform himself or trying to not to let us worry. My sister and brother in law told us that its not a big deal, just some normal procedure, but still... when my closest family member has to be 'hospitalized', the term that i dont like it much, whether big deal or small deal, its impossible that you will be not worried.
I pray to God, that my father will be ALRIGHT, my family will stay HEALTHY and HAPPY always. I pray to God to grant my parents health and happiness.

Just today, it strikes me with the fact that I'm grown up, my parents are old.. I should be more matured than I am. Shouldn't be throwing tantrum like a little girl, shouldn't be putting the burdens on my parents when i find it unbearable, because now, its my turn to share my parents' burden. 

The Angean Plane Crash - 1972

The note that the survivors wrote to get help to their mates who are still on the mountain.

The mountain where the plane crashed.

View from helicopter.

The Angean Plane Crash in 1972, was about the plane that crashed, on one of the mountain among the thousands in between Argentina and Chile. The survivors ate the body of their dead mates to survive on top of the chilling, snowing, no other signs of living creature mountain. And they remained alive by eating human flesh for 72 days until 3 survivors climbed for 10 days over the mountains, without any equipment, without any knowledge or experience, and reached Chile, called for help to rescue their mates. They were reluctant to tell the public that they survived by eating the bodies, and they told the press that they survived on eating the cheese that they carried on board, until an unauthorised article was published together with photos, they were being called as Cannibals. And even when they return to their homeland, Uruguay, they were being welcomed by newspapers with headline "Cannibals are back".

Ladies and gentleman, the issue is, whether human life supercede dignity of a dead person, or otherwise. Well, apparently some people think that the survivors should choose to starve to death on top of the showing mountain, but not to eat the dead body, because the dead bodies, belonged to human.

Maybe there's no definite right or wrong answer, that depends on your own way to value dignity and a life.

But here's my own personal view. I think that did just the right thing to eat the dead body to survive. The reason is simple, because for me, a living human is more important than preserving a dead body. A dead person, is.. just gone.. the body is nothing but a lifeless shell, and why should we let go of our life for preserving a life-less shell? I don't see the point. Just like what one of the survivors said:" Why should I feel guilty, I should celebrate for life."

I'm not boosting or supporting Cannibalism here, neither am I like human flesh nor ate human flesh. I don't even dare to imagine that taste. Neither do the survivors wished to eat the human flesh. They are Roman Catholics, most of them are, for God's sake. It took them for a few days to make the decision to eat the dead body, because they know that its either die, or eat the bodies. But their decision wasn't wrong, at least there are people who supported them, who tell them they did just the right thing, including the priest.

BUT, this still varies from people to people. My dad, for example, is disgusted by them, because he thinks that, the dead body are human, even though dead, so they shouldn't have ate them. When I heard him said this, it made me think of something about the value of life; is human's life more precious just because we are human, because we call ourselves as the King of all the living creatures in this world? Why didn't we think about the same thing when we are happily eating chicken, lamb, mutton, etc etc etc.... Is their life so valueless? Although me myself is a Omnivore, and i didn't have to thought to be a vegetarian, I got no stand to fight for the right to live for these animals. But still, I think that we shouldn't over value human life. It is inappropriate, to fix the principle that a human should not eat a dead human body in order to survive, but a human got every right to kill a living animal for food.

It is incredible for these people to get to survive on top of a showing mountain with no winter equipment, food and water, but dead bodies and snow. They had done what an ordinary human cannot do. Quote from the survivor, We should celebrate for life.