The One

I think I've found the one

If we are meant to be together

dear god,

please let us to be together

even though its not even a beginning

but dear god,

please,

if thats the one,

so be it.....

2011- chapter 1

Well well well...

this year of 2011, begin with a lot of alcohol

I am drunk almost every saturday

I am kinda proud that my dad gave me this superb gene for alcohol

I am just like him, not easily drunk

and thats another thing which my uncles and aunts amazed by me

never look down at the naive small girl, because she's not that small girl anymore

she's been through a lot,

the cruel people around her, and the realistic world teach her a lot

this year, begin with a lot of fun

lesser study

and i've changed my perspective of life

and there's so many other things that i wanted to change

lets see, how different this year can be..

Wrong

I just realised that i can't live like tomorrow is the last day

Because if i do

I will make every decision without think twice

I will take every risk in front of me without much deliberation

I will put the books aside and not have a single look at it

I will spend all my money to go where ever i desire to go, buy whatever i want

And I will do whatever i want without thinking that will offend someone

But of course,

I will express my gratitude and my love to my family and friends

Anyway, if i do,

I, me myself is gonna make tomorrow to be my last day...

The Problem

There are the times, when i thought about what i want

I love to join activities

I love to meet people other than those familiar faces

I love to enjoy the moment when joining those activities

I enjoy debating

I enjoy organising activities, despite all the problems and unhappiness, but it doesnt matter much

But then I realised, this makes me has almost no friend to talk to when I need one

I committed most of my time to studies, and the others to debate and activities

I have no time to spare for my friends

I dont get to hang out with them, watch movie with them, chit chat with them

and eventually, they started to left me out for some hang outs

im afraid that sooner or later, im no longer considered one of them

and i end up only have friends in debates or activities

but most of the time, i have no friends

im really afraid of that.. the loneliness.. its killing me

and now, im in the midst of... confusion.. which one prevails..

The Meaning of Life

Decided to try every new thing, every opportunity which happens to be present in my life

of course, not those which might, obviously being harmful

That's what I've been thinking

We don't know whether our life is gonna be short or long

And yet life is so full of uncertainties and excitements are all hidden at the back of the uncertainties

So, we should just try it out

Thinking too much will only results in myself not trying anything, staying at the same starting point, not moving forward, just because of the fear of unknown consequences

Just let it be what it will be

Follow our heart

Follow our instinct sometimes

And thus life will be more exciting

And me myself, isn't spending my life with lots of regrets for not trying..

The Trial

A friend said, you never try, u never know

So, seems like there's a chance for me to try it out..

Should I stop thinking so much and embrace it and try it out?

Should I be the true self?

Seems like the dream is not ready to be given up yet...

The Dream

Perhaps the dream is to be given up

Perhaps it is all a faulty start

Perhaps it is just a mistake after all

Perhaps I'm being silly

Perhaps the dream is to be forgotten

Perhaps the dream is to be gone

Perhaps,

it is good for me...

or maybe, it is just a mistake covering another mistake and covering another mistake...

The Thought

At times I stop everything and start thinking,

why on earth am I studying so hard and working so hard?

am I truly enjoying my current life?

or should i do something special, as in fulfilling my dreams, just in case the world suddenly end at anytime, at least im not wasting my life

I think im a workaholic

I just wanna prove it to my family that I can definitely do it

The little failure in this family has now finally evolved to be the top

I wanna prove to myself that I can definitely do it

So I refused to let myself to take a proper break

And so i made myself to be a workaholic

And so i finally made it, at least there's people who are amazed

And so i'm thinking to let myself to have a proper break, to slow it down, to truly enjoy my life...\

Should I?

Am i not going to see you again?

Gosh, only the thought of it is killing me..

I am gonna miss u so so much...

The Life

There are so many things which i wished i could run away from them

There so many problems which i wished i could stop thinking about it

And there are so many people which i wished i could stop facing them

But the cruelty of the fact is here

I couldn't do a single of my wish

All i can do is to make my life a little better

and all i can do is to make it a little more enjoyable

And so I am trying my best to do it

It doesn't matter how long life would be or should be

the matter of facts is that I should enjoy my life, every single moment of it...

The Pencil Case in White

There is the lesson given early in the morning..

I just realised that I lost my beloved pencil case last night and then i couldnt sleep well he whole night..

you know what?

It means everything for me, my beloved highlighters are all inside, my beloved blue pens, my thumbdrive, my student card! is also in my pencil case, which may cost me like rm50 or more to get another one if i lost it..

So, do not show me a face when i tell u that i lost my pencil case, because a pencil case can be as important as a wallet!

And then early in the morning I woke up early, and I went to the faculty and look around and ask around, did u see my pencil case in white??

yes, just like a mad mommy looking for the lost child..

=P

and luckily, the makcik who sweep the lecture hall's floor found it and keep it for me

I am so lucky to meet two nice makcik who helped me to find my 'lost child'

and now i realised and experienced the words that people used to tell us,

do not look down at anyone who u thought is not important, because sometimes they can meant a lot to u at some point!

well, if the makcik is a irresponsible one, or just not being thoughtful, she might had just throw away my pencil case, and i cant imagine myself to have to rush here and there to recover my stuff inside..

so, thank you so much makcik!

=D

The Brain

I've heard about brain test, but had only seen those psychological tests which claim themselves as brain tests

and then i've seen machines that tests your brain and show the graph of your brain works, but only in tv show

but today, i've done one brain test by those machines

its a special experience

when the band was tied to my head, i felt like my eyes are hard to be opened and tears are likely to come out from my eyes, which i dont know why it happened

and then the professor who explained my chart for me said something even more surprising, unbelievable and... unbelievable!

He said I am at the middle between rational and emotional, and i took good grip of it

which means, i can control my emotion well!

and everyone knows that im a emo person

how could this happened!

and then he said, u might not be able to control your emotion for awhile, but when u realised it, u will be get in control of it very fast and well

wohoo~ it really make my day!

The Harmonica

The book fair, is a great experience i gotta say,

even though i might have not given my greatest cooperation, but i still enjoyed it

if not get to involved in this, i wouldn't have been had the opportunity to witness the performance of the world champion harmonica and listened to the great music they made

that was the moment when i, once again, feel the power of music, beyond any restriction of language and races and culture, we all together were moved my the music

and the feeling was just so great!

quoted from'The Time Traveller's Wife',

"I might not be able to make the music, but i'm still in love with it."

first week

Its only the first week of sem2 and here comes the stress...

perhaps the relaxing break makes me temporarily out of order in dealing with stress...

and the expectation

and the rumours

and the perhaps exaggerative information

and everything in uni

are making me feel breathless for awhile

and i really hate it

Want My Peaceful Life Back!