实习之 外传---Attachment

After declaring that i wanna work since after Form 5, finally, the dream come true, and im working in the law firm, the largest law firm in Kuantan, Messrs Balendran Chong.

I think im a lucky one. Because... this gonna lead to the most gossip-py office gossip in this firm.. The manager is a very very hate-able indian man, who makes a manager-kind-of job his part time, and his full time is BACKSTABBING.
Back to the point, this manager, he rarely forward the resume sent into his mail box to the partners. People usually have to call a few times, only they will be called by the partner to go for an interview.
Well, I m lucky cause i got to come to interview just after sorund 2 weeks i sent my resume. And i dont know what happened makes him being so efficient in my case. Maybe its just luck?

And then, after the very blur and scared first day (i dont even dare to drink water or go to the washroom...) But lucky enough, the colleagues are very very kind. They will always ask me where to go for lunch, some even will think a place for me to have lunch. When u accidentally showed a blur face, then they will ask u what's wrong and help u.. It made me feels like i'm a baby in the office, being protected by the others. lol.. That's the thing really surprised me, i never imagined office life is gonna be a so so friendly environment.

This firm, although so-called the largest firm in Kuantan, its actually not THAT large.. There are 10 lawyers, including partners, over 30 clerks, 2 attachee (including me) for the moment, and 1 chambering student. There one mini library,which has most of the needed case reports, and CCTVs, and spirits (due to the old history of the firm).

My boss is a high demand yet willing to teach lawyer boss. He gave me a mission in the first week working. He asked me to do an research on an issue which they are going to be argue in an appeal case. It's honourable to get to do this research, because, my boss told me that i have the license to use any resource and money and any staff to assist me in this research, as long as I get everything that he want, as much as I can. It made me feel.... more... more than an intern.. I learned a lot on how twist-able a lawyer's mind can be when they get to argue something. It amazed me sometimes. I spent 2 months time in that research, which it appears to be my new-born baby when the article is finally out.

..............
.............................
...................................................

2 months passed faster than I thought. And today is the last day of my attachment life aka my first time working for 20 years. The feeling, is happy to rest, but sad to leave. I already get used to this OL life, just like what my colleagues said, working together in a office (which is not so big) is just like a big family. Yeah, especially when everyone is happy and friendly.

My chinese colleagues even asked me out for lunch, and they treated me that meal. That's really touching because they seldom go out for lunch. They normally eat in office. That makes me.... feel... really good...

Indeed, there are a lot more to talk about my attachment life, every single bit of thing is special for me. Will work on it slowly, since i still have 1 month slacking time...

又吵架了！

跟大姐又吵架了。

我们从小关系就不是非常好，也不是不好，就是爱吵架。可能是因为性格太相近，很难忍受她。她这人讲话又不经大脑，好听的说就是直接，没心机，难听点，就是笨，容易吃亏，不会变通（现在在气头上，有对她数不完的怨恨和缺点）。

也不知道为什么，我可以忍耐很多人，就是不爱乡忍耐她那死人脾气。以前的话，我一定不会忍，一定会跟她大吵一顿，可是现在心想大家都长大了，EQ应该要高一点，拼命把那把无名火忍了下来，长大了就不好常吵架，不然我也怕会像阿姨们一样，都这么多年了，感情也不好。再说了，这个女人要嫁了，虽然嫁了还是会和娘家住得很近，可是，不知怎么说，就是会有不同。

可能也不是我的问题，是她的问题。因为二姐也曾经和她吵得很凶，到现在还是有一点心结。
为了那件事，妈妈因为大姐性格比较内向，老是帮她讲话，和二姐起了很多次冲突。

唉，也不知道怎么说，总之，姐妹就只有三个，应该要保持良好关系的。。。虽然她有时讲话是会令我想打人，可是有时也是很好的。。。

所以，还是老土的一句，小不忍则乱大谋，百忍成金啊！

他说

这个人，很奇怪，可是我们一直保持联络，其实也只有他每次找我。
就在这一天，我在office偷懒上FB，忘记appear offline, 然后他来找我chat。
我怕被那个讨人厌的manager发现，又不想和他chat，一直敷衍他。
吓死我了，他居然跟我将说他要来Kuantan找我！
我说，我很忙，真的很忙，我做完Attachment要去泰国，不在家。（其实也没有骗人，我是真的要去泰国的，只是没有这么快去，没去这么久而以）然后我就一如既往快手快脚GoOffline。
多谢FB的新Function，AppearOffline了还可以收到Message。
不久后我收到他的Message，他说，我真的很想明白你，可是我尝试了，我还是不明白你，没关系，我会努力的。
心里一阵内疚，很想跟他说，你不用明白我，因为我不想你明白我，再说了，我也不明白自己。觉得自己很坏，可是没办法。。。。。
就算了吧，心里知道他不是什么好人，也不过是假假而已，不用放在心里。

好了，要回去工作了，还有半个小时要放工了。。外面再大雷，好像要下大雨，令我想起早上看到的新闻，菲律宾和韩国被暴风雨袭击，死了很多人，也会影响到这里的天气。
唉，天气越来越奇怪，天灾很多，难道真的要世界末日了？目前还不想死啊。。。
很长气，真的要走了。。。
完笔。

见或不见

你见
或者不见我
我便在那里
不悲不喜。

你念
或者不念我
情就在那里
不来不去

你爱
或者不爱我
爱就在那里
不增不减

你跟
或者不跟我
我的手就在你手里
不离不弃

来到我的怀里
或者让我住到你的心里

默然   相爱
寂静   欢喜


不知道为什么，就觉得这首诗很有feel。。。
作者是一个喇嘛，身不由己的爱上了公主，说是断了六根，可是啊，从一出生从上辈子带来的，又怎能说断就断呢。。。
写出了这首诗，虽然字用得不深，可是却是用了最简单直接的方式表达出海枯石烂的爱意。没有富丽堂皇的修饰，只有人最简单的情感。
哎哟喂，最近很是欣赏中国文学，没有政治的肮脏龌龊，只有高尚的情操，优雅的字眼，古人的感性。谁说我崇洋了。。才没有呢。。这些年的华语可不是白读的。。我呀，说起一口标准的华语来，还是有人以为我是中国人哪！

Chapter 1- 3rd Volume of 'C'est La Vie' - Review

Time flies and its time to sum up my first year in uni.

July, I got into uni and started my uni life with an awful week of uni orientation which means nothing but a waste of time and a week of mental and physical torture.And then there was another week of law school orientation, and this one, i think it was a more useful one.It teaches us, as a newbies in law school, and an infant in law career, a great lesson. Think a thousand times before you talk, especially when talking to someone senior, or not so close. And it introduced to us the tradition of seniority in law school, which i think, it is a barrier which we could never cross in senior-junior relation. And also the formality in legal field, perhaps a tradition of centuries, which we could never change.

After a few weeks of being a dumb newbie in law school, i'm but striving hard to learn law, which i knew nothing about it before, and having fun and a lot of lessons in joining activities. Interviews, which taught me how you're doomed when a senior who doesn't like you and lucky you that she/he is in the board of interviewers that you could never get any post from the interviews that she is in the board. Yes, that's the tradition of seniority which i should face, which maybe will last like forever until i'm working. 

And welcome to the world of back and white!

Law Career Convention was the first activity in law school that i joined. It was a great experience and exposure to a lot of people practicing law. And it shows me the faces of the hated lawyers, typical hated lawyers. But nonetheless, i still got to know some who are nice and friendly. 

Uni-Edu Book Fair, the first university level activity that i joined. It's nice that i get to know a lot of people by joining this activity. But also, it taught me a great lesson of dirty political tactics behind the organizing committee. It was harsh, but right, that's how dirty and cruel the reality is, and that's the day that i knew that i'm no longer a small girl in high school, that i knew, not everyone that you thought they are nice is indeed nice, that i know none in this world that worth my 100 percent trust, maybe.

And a lot of activities that gave me chance to meet a lot of people from the another country. International exposure, as one of the baby steps towards gaining maturity. --ALSA events, student exchange program--

Debates, which i got involved in by coincidence since the first orientation week, and somehow i stayed. I learned a lot of skill in speaking, technically, debating. I met a lot of people outside, which is a good exposure to the outside world. And also, seniority and dirty tactics that people use to gain trust and good names.But as I always believed, as long as you did nothing bad, people cant ruin you anywhere, and at the end of the day, they will be the one who ruined themselves, when they tried so hard to put people down, out of jealousy.

Study Trip to Korea, that one week is probably the most enjoyable, the happiest week throughout this year. There's no word that i can use to describe that week, but really,it is  an unforgettable week of my life. I still fall into the hole of sweet memories whenever i look back to the pictures.. =) Thats the first time, i see snow in my life, and the first time i get to know a lot of people, from 9 different countries.. Its an incomparable memory--

Buddy,this is probably the most mysterious thing in this whole year. I got a guy, who probably is the most muscular guy in law faculty and another girl, a beautiful and smart girl as my buddy. even though my buddy line isnt a glamorous one, nor it is a complete line with a buddy in a different year. But im satisfied, because these two that i got are nice. But after one and a half semester, my buddy gone missing. With no even a single strand of information or message, he just left like that, no even some symptom before he left. And now, i hope for nothing but his return at the beginning of next semester, though some people kept telling me that he's not coming back. But still, i hope and i pray for his return. It would be a great lost, if a good, nice and selfless buddy like him, just leave like that.

Love life, its quite a happening year. I went to dates, I considered a few times, but at the end, i still put an end to every single possibility of getting another half of mine, in my life. Maybe the mr. right is just not here yet. And i'm happy and satisfied with my status quo now. So why drag myself into these sort of troubles. I might have hurt someone, because of my selfish, childish and silly decision. My sincere apologies to them. But still, i couldnt find the key to unlock the door, to open my heart to someone i think worth it, after what i've witness myself, and what happened to my own self. I hope it wouldnt result to a great mistake from what i've done. 

Friends, no to forget, all the happy and funny moments i've spent with my friends!

I think, and some people tell me, that i;ve changed, matured, and.. tougher... lets celebrate for the transformation of this girl 

to this

All in all, I enjoyed my uni life and i love it. It is one of the most enjoyable period in my life. And I believed,          there will soon be an end of the dark days, and here comes the bright, happy chapter of my life. I have everything now, i have a good life, a bright future ahead, good friends, and a very very supportive and loving family. I appreciate all these, and i should love myself more, so that, all these that i have, can be more meaningful than they already are.

Lets hope for a better year ahead for next two semesters, and enjoy my long break. =)

Ma Vie

Well, somehow i've dropped back to the old way
living my life in fantasies, fallacies
its not true
but its doesnt hurt you life real life do
and im happy with it

Well, he contended that he means nothing to me but he likes me, and my so-called beautiful eyes
and i thought chinese have small eyes
now i know for the very first time,small eyes can be pretty!
how ironic
and he seems to forget the fact that he, has got a girlfriend
i cant help but confronted him with this, but this doesnt seems to bother him.. at all!
now i wonder where true love lies
does it die along with the gradually humanity?